Unrecompensed

I disagree. This isn't a short story, it's an opening to a longer piece, and so you don't need that conflict immediately. That being said, there is a conflict between ...

I think calling the prose purple is a bit far, but I see the point. Try to scratch some of the descriptives, especially adjectives - they are not your friend. ...

I woke up in a room, I hope. I knew exactly what this was about. I was seeing a woman: a wife to a very powerful man in England actually. ...

Readers choose not to read textbooks instead of stories for a reason; don't relay facts in lists and boring tone. Don't give me balanced agruments and situation, give me someone ...

You suffer from a huge problem here, Everyone. Passive sentences are very rarely your friend. They are like weeds in a garden; one or two may make your garden look ...

I don't have much time right now, so I apologise for the briefness. I'll be blunt and to the point, I guess. As you know, a sentence starts with a ...

It is the idea, more than the prose, that sells a story. Your prose are in need of so much work, so I don't have to focus on them. You're ...

I don't have much time right now, so I apologise for the briefness. I'll be blunt and to the point, I guess. As you know, a sentence starts with a ...

As the crimson sun set over the hills of Degra, the cool breeze carried the sent of blood across the Plains of Musavia on the Island of Venhue. For on ...

The plot starts with a nice strength. The hook is there immediately, and it forced me to read on. Your prose, however, got a little irritating. It grew tiresome for ...

In the school room number 372, in west valley high, Simon Peters, was having a conversation with his science teacher Mr. Waltz. I agree that this is a weak opening ...