Twit

Abrupt. You need to review more stuff. Emotions, you need emotions and technical accuracy. This has been posted in several parts, but it might be better as one short story, ...

I like it, and keep the itallics. :) I like the contrast between new and old paint.

Move this to Other Fiction, or phrase this differently, put it into stanzas and colour it up more. (was that intended? not sure) It has potential, certainly!

It did feel a touch cliched. The questions are good, but they've been done before.

Yeah, I know how that is. :roll: Have to check out those books some time. Heard of them, but never read.

I lean out the window and watch the little red dots falter, ache in the morning sun, and disappear. I liked that bit, but the rest just confused me.

Coo lummy, what's in the locker?? Sorry, nothing helpful or blighting to say, only that I liked it. :)

I'm detecting a hint of British grammar here. The one quote mark for direct quotes, spelling center as 'centre.' Anything else? :roll: It's not just Brits who use single quotes ...

Thanks Shireling! Although this is so bad it makes me cringe now, I'm taking your comments on board for the rewrite! :D Matthews in mentioned in "The Empty House". He ...

Ooh, this is so long! I don't really have time to read it all. Could you break it down into more, smaller chapters, and then PM me when you have? ...

Thank you both for reading! And, yes, Azure, this is *just the beginning*. ^_~ This is like the pilot episode; hopefully in the future there'll be more short stories of ...

Maybe make it plainer exactly what the poem is about? :wink:

Cool! No nitpick, sorry, but Azila already did a *whizz-whizz* pikthru. Very well writ, and very thoughtful. I didn't get what was happening until the last line, and it's good ...

Nice! I can't crit poetry, so don't normally, but the fact that this rhymed well caught my eye. So, yes, useless compliment. :roll:

If you're going by modern day military standards, then, yes, as aero said, change the Mr. But if you're going for the "officer and gentleman" type soldier, then you can ...