Twit

It's a bit confusing. All the action that happens here could be written clearer. And those squares are really starting to annoy me. I know they mean something to you, ...

Brad lay back and shut his eyes hastily. "After some careful thought, I've reconsidered the notion, and decided it's ridiculous. I'm asleep, I'm asleep!" :lol: what if you helped me ...

This would be good as a prologue. Sets up the story in the beginning of chapter 1. But "The Master" sticks out like guano on George Bush's shoulder. Nix it... ...

Please remember the rule about commas and small letters in dialogue. *sobs* Please? At least I’m rid of that human boy . He thought... See? Grammer and sentance structure aside, ...

This seems good! I haven't read the parts that come before this, but this bit is certainly intriguing. The Aave shrugged , "That's not really my problem." Full stop instead ...

The next day there was an object in the sky. Not a bird. Not a plane. And this time not even Superman. It was Super Boy. Good beginning, I like ...

Yet another who followed Ari's sig-link. :wink: There isn't anything for me to rip apart here - everyone else has dunnit, and there wasn't much to start with. This was ...

Great! Crazy Radcliffe = :lol: Stupid actors, never trust them. :lol: I will serve Daniel I love Daniel.. Comma after the first Daniel. My hand was itching really badly, where ...

Gah! Cliffhanger!! The main thing here was the complete lack of paragraphs. Not a single line of spacing between dialogue or nothing. She picked up on the third ring , ...

Ooh, these chapters are so long, it makes it difficult to crit. But it seems to be good, so far. :) A glance up the street towards his destination and ...

:roll: O man , I'm drowning in the trauma of requited love here. [/sarcasm] Evie celebrated her twenty-first birthday staying sober as ever. Change that to, by staying as sober ...

I liked it. Nothing to do with "The Fly" as was my first thought when reading the title. :) It sounded good to the Vogon's ears, but get another opinion.

This was a very moving piece. And yes, it was effective; very effective. There were basically no errors to be corrected, all I saw was this, if I'm concentrating: “Hey,” ...

Be grateful, Kylan, you're getting two crits - one from Lady Pirate and one from me. Jeese, no one's critting my stuff, fanfic or ordinary and I don't whinge. Well, ...

Blimey, all those comments on his page look like satirical reviews for bad fanfiction. "U so rock!!!!!! i luv u! u r AWESOME say hi to Saphira for me!! wen's ...