Trident

Hi azure, I found this filled with nothing but purple prose. Adjectives can sometimes be your enemy when you use too many of them. I think that is the case ...

Hey Jig. Let's see what we can do with this. Firstly, the title. It's not terribly bad, but there was a movie in the U.S. called "Face/off" and it makes ...

Lovely, Imp. Simply lovely. Was she painting the Mysteries? I caught a few key words in there, but I wasn't sure. They seemed out of order, but I suppose that ...

Ooh, very nice. Very nice, indeed. The very first thing I noticed was your wonderful beginning. Very engrossing. The bell above the door tinkled suddenly, rooting the old man to ...

Hey Jig, as promised... It was dark outside. The shadow of leaves, backlit by moonlight, cut across her vision. With that first line, you better have something impressive right after ...

Hi Pros, a few comments here. I'm going to be rather harsh too since this piece has room for lots of improvement. To me the story was kind of dull. ...

Hi Crysi. A few comments here. I liked the character and the idea a lot. It was certainly something new. Janvian's reactions were very revealing of his character. I think ...

We're talking about wallpaper and suddenly you say something about churches and insecurities. And then bells. And suddenly back to wallpaper. Well the fact that we're talking about wallpaper and ...

Looks like you got your two crits in. I commend you for that. We all too often see people post ten poems plus without ever giving back. I rather liked ...

Hey, Jig. A short crit I'm afraid. Then again, that could be a good thing. Cheers to your nameless narrator. I'm glad others are using this technique to its wonderful ...

Interesting. I'll comment briefly on some style issues. Dulled yellow light illuminated the inset door The word dulled is very difficult to say. And even more so next to yellow. ...

Meh, it may have had brevity, but it seemed to take forever for me to read and with little effect. It seemed like there was an attempt to make me ...

Hey Misty, I'll give you a short one on content here. JimmySamantha: The repetition of we really does need to go here. Use it sparingly, because it does give the ...

Hey Misty. Here's my crit. I don’t remember why I was there; I just know I was drifting off [s]of[/s] the roof and back onto the floor, my body twisting ...

I see no potential in this. Your character is not one that we can connect to, especially since he complains about his "billionaire" parents. Also, make sure you spell check ...