TreeHugger12

This rocks! Another excellent chapter. As others have stated before me, you do have a few grammatical errors but I'm sure if you go over it again it'll be fine. ...

I like the ending. It has a nice twist to it. :) You have typographical errors, and sound like you're starting to get bored writing this. Aside from that, it's ...

I just logged on and was lucky enough to spot your post. :) I really liked it. I didn't find anything wrong with it, but that's just me. I'm not ...

Actually, I saw several problems with punctuation and missing letters. Aside from this, great job! It's really like reading a book. Though one must wonder if Maria had been trained ...

When I received your PM, I was all "Yay! Shifters! Shifters!" I love the way you put the mood in perfectly. I'm not really good at criticizing and my grammar's ...

Yes i was wondering how old these bullies were when I read the part about plunging Clara underwater... Unless this is a place ravaged by war or as hero stated, ...

Yes, as the others have said, you have a rather confusing way of describing things. But it was all very good actually. And it wasn't as confusing as the first. ...

Well, It was good but the descriptions were a bit to confusing. You might overwhelm the reader. I actually tend to skip those kinds of parts where you describe so ...

I think If you've played the game (or have a talkative cousin or brother who does) you'll understand the story. It's a great narration of that scene. So full of ...

Ahaha, that was certainly an interesting twist. Maybe you should have added in the detail that his eyes turn black when he's about to feed. Poor Charlie though, he's about ...

OMG HAHAHA I was literally laughing out loud. My mom gave me one of those 'my daughter is crazy for bursting out into hysterical laughter over nothing' looks. Ahhh... *wipes ...

I agree with Sae, you did sound a lot like Steph Meyer. In general, I'm a twi-hater but what the heck, I read the books so I know about it. ...

Aw, I was laughing so hard I thought it would bust my op stitches! Haha, It was the funniest (and probably most accurate) depiction of how R Patz would react. ...

Um, woah. I don't think I understand. Sorry but I think it's too draggy. This kind of writing is probably for the older audience. But you have an impressive way ...

I agree with with Classy, you did introduce too much adventure in the first chapter. At least your tenses are a bit better this time around(I think, I'm in kind ...