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Torigirl15

  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Motel 66 (chapter 1)

    i really enjoyed the oddity of this piece, it was creepy, and made me want to read more. the only thing that sort of confused me was the last paragraph. ...

    Dec 19, 2010
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: Decadence

    I really loved this story. You described the main character's feelings in a way that everyone can relate to. Some stories make break up scenes too dramatic, and the reader ...

    Dec 19, 2010
  • Short Story » Historical Fiction, General Re: That lonely road (Memory Lane) Part 1

    I really liked this piece of writing, but i would vary the word choice a little. You use the word "road" a little much, and i would try to spice ...

    Dec 17, 2010
  • Short Story » Fanfiction, General Re: Untitled - Draco Malfoy FanFiction

    This was really really good!! I loved it! I like the way you combined two fairy tales, and made Draco a vampire. The only critique I have is in these ...

    Dec 12, 2010
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Stop

    I found this confusing. I got the fact that the mc in the poem was using drugs, but the dialogue didn't really flow. It didn't fit with the rest of ...

    Sep 7, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » Romantic, General Re: Prolouge: Dead Love

    This prologue reminds me of Romeo and Juliet. It doesn't sound very original, to be frank, and i don't think this is a story i would particularly want to read ...

    Sep 7, 2010
  • Short Story » General, General Re: The Funeral

    Hi! hopefully this review helps you. I liked this story even if it was very short, and didn't have a lot of description in it. I was a little confused ...

    Sep 7, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Pandora's Hunt Ch. 3

    First of all, i just want to say, this was a really well written. my only major problem with it was that pandora didn't open a box... it was really ...

    Sep 5, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Pandora's Hunt Ch. 1 & 2

    i'm big into greek mythology, so i really enjoyed this story. The thing was, that Pandora was not only created to open the box to get revenge, she was married ...

    Aug 29, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Spoiled (working title)

    First of all, this is in third person, not first. hear her all Victoria for help this line didn't make sense... maybe you were trying to say "hear her call ...

    Aug 19, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: TarponVille High

    There were quite a few spelling mistakes... make sure you proof read your work. Also, this sounds a lot like twilight. I know that you haven't said that it was ...

    Aug 19, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Chapter 1

    This was a very good chapter, other than the fact that you don't really describe much. How could a young boy survive alone in an ally way for three days, ...

    Aug 12, 2010
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: its finally here!

    Even if this wasn't the second half of a chapter, it is not too short. i've read books that have chapters that only have a few sentances in them. Its ...

    Aug 12, 2010
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: chap. 1 part 1 of (name pending)

    I'm noticing a pattern of awesomeness as i read your work. XD i think your an amazing writer! This is exactly the type of story i enjoy reading, but i ...

    Aug 12, 2010
  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, General Re: War of 2201: New Crew of Eden (3)

    Needs a little work using synonyms, you seem to use the same word to describe things, and that can get annoying. I like where this is going, but i was ...

    Aug 11, 2010


Don't sit down and write because you're a writer; sit down and write because you have something to say. And if the sea of ideas isn't flowing, well, just tell me about your day.
— OrabellaAvenue