Pandora's Hunt Ch. 1 & 2

I wasn't sure where to place this. It has some romance, but it's also a bit of a mystery/adventure/fantasy/retelling of a myth. The spoiler will explain a bit more.

Spoiler! :
SO basically, I've always been fascinated with the myth of Pandora and the infamous box that unleashed suffering upon the world. I thought though, that it was about time someone told Pandora's side of the story. I wasn't satisfied with the myth's version of Pandora the girl. The fact that she was made out of clay, and told not to open the box, but does anyway seems a bit cruel. Sure, the gods meant for her to open it as a punishment to Prometheus for stealing fire, but the myth doesn't actually give Pandora a motive or chance to explain her side of the story. That's where I come in. Granted, my expertise is not in myths, but I do have a rather overactive imagination and time to devote to a fictional representation of my version of Pandora. Hopefully, I do her justice.

Prologue

Incense burning in the breeze.

Curtains made of clouds, cherubs singing, and light in a rainbow around her.

That was the life she was meant to live. There. Among the gods.

But her soul mate was waiting for her through the arch, beckoning to her. His jet-black hair glinting in the rainbow, making her eyes water with the beauty of the sight. His perfect face, human, fragile, delightfully serene as he smiled at her wistfully. His lips—oh his lips! They were hers…only hers. If only she could reach him.

If only she weren’t immortal.

If only she hadn’t opened that damn box.

If only she wasn’t cursed.

Chapter 1

Dirt, oil, and sweat. The offensive odors filled her nose, making her gag reflexively. She was locked in a trunk, going to who-knows-where, and at that moment, she was angry.

The car jerked to a stop and she tensed as she heard her kidnappers get out, curse something, and then walk around to the back of the car. The trunk lid creaked open, shedding dim light from a garage on the body of the girl.

One of the men, a short fellow with greasy black hair and tired brown eyes grabbed her out of the trunk floor and stood her up on her shaky legs.

The girl was exhausted from sliding around in the back, and unhappy about smelling like a truck stop, but with an almost inhuman grace she straightened her slim shoulders and shook his creepy hands off of her body.

Her platinum blond hair fell in a sheet across her shoulders and partway down her back, and she tossed it back before fastening her sapphire blue eyes on the two men who had snatched her from the parking lot of her dorm that morning. Her name was Pandora, but her student ID said her name was Bethany Kent. Whatever she was called, she was not someone who should be kidnapped lightly.

The short man snorted and pointed at her before saying, “Boss isn’t going to like her attitude is he, Lloyd?”

The taller man, who was rather plain, grey eyes and gray hair to match, merely nodded. He didn’t talk very much, but left the short man the duty of explanations. If he had anything important to say, he would say it.

The girl harrumphed and tried to cross her bound arms, but found it nearly impossible, so contented herself with fixing her captors with a glare.

“I demand you release me at once!” She commanded in a husky voice. The girl did not look to be any older than nineteen, but held herself as if she were the Queen of England.

The short man, whose name was Phil, laughed snidely, and reached out to drag her flinching form over to a grungy couch situated in a corner of the run-down garage.

The girl sniffed at such accommodations, but allowed them to set her down and watched carefully when they walked over to sit at a small card table in two rusty metal chairs.

Her rather crafty brain was already working on a plan to escape from the goons. They had only managed to kidnap her this morning because she had been burdened down with groceries, which were at that moment most likely being scavenged by rodents. What a waste.

However one detail was bothering her. She didn’t know why she had been taken in the first place. They couldn’t know who she really was…could they? No. It was impossible. She wasn’t even going by her real name, and even then, it took a very smart, possibly even insane person to believe she was the real thing.

And just who was this Boss person the short man spoke of? Pandora did not like the sound of him.

She took a deep breath, trying not to think about the dirt stains in her designer jeans, and concentrated on her objectives. One: break free—easy. Two: find out who the “Boss” is—not as easy, but doable. Three: payback—fun.

Life was a breeze if you were immortal. Especially if you were Pandora and you’d already experienced the worst.

Chapter 2

“Hey you!” Pandora called at the tall gray man. His partner had left him alone with the frightening blond girl, and he flinched as her voice hit him almost tangibly.

He didn’t answer her call, instead kept his eyes fastened to his game of solitaire. The jack of hearts went on the queen of clubs…the ten of spades on the jack of hearts…

“Hey! I have to ask you a question!” Her voice cut through his façade of concentration, making him drop the ten of spades. It fluttered to the ground, but this time he turned to face her.

Her dark blue eyes glittered dangerously and she swished her hair out of her face. It was like a curtain of light.

Lloyd’s grey eyes took in all of this and blinked. He was a very simple man, and he didn’t enjoy kidnapping nearly so much as a classy job of thieving. Kidnapping was messy, and he had a sudden feeling that this time, perhaps he had gotten himself in over his head.

Unlike when they had taken her out of the trunk, Pandora did not look scared. That first fear was an act. She knew herself to be invincible, so she had lulled them into a false sense of security. Now, the short man—Phil—had left to get food, and she was alone with the weaker minded of the two lumbering henchmen.

Taking a new tact, Pandora closed her eyes and adopted the behavior of a girl who was afraid for her life. Tears filled her eyes, and her next words were choked.

“Ca-can you te-tell me why y-y-you took m-me?” she sniffed piteously.

If there was one thing Lloyd could not resist, it was tears. He was a father himself, so he could feel those tendencies that he usually kept hidden on jobs as they rose to the surface. He felt sorry for the girl and decided to take pity on her.

It wouldn’t hurt to tell her anything. It wasn’t like she was going to escape. And he really didn’t know very much in the first place.

He cleared his throat. “Boss wants to speak to you. Said it was important and we had to do it as discreetly as possible.”

Pandora narrowed her eyes. His Boss wanted to speak to her? About what? And why not just call her or meet up on the street in person?

There were too many questions that she couldn’t answer, and Pandora struggled with not knowing. For almost four thousand years, Pandora had been hiding. Whether it was from the gods, or from mortal men who found her too attractive to resist.

Lloyds’ Boss was probably one of the latter, some big shot mogul or mafia man with a taste for the dangerous who had just so happened to take an unhealthy interest in Pandora’s person. She did not look kindly upon those types. It was exactly the reason she was in hiding.

“And who is your Boss, if I may be so bold to ask?”

In her interest, Pandora had dropped her playacting and resorted to her normal attitude of exalted benevolence. She was immortal after all, and so inclined to believe herself better than mere mortals. It was perhaps her only shortcoming; at least as they came, so altogether, she wasn’t too much of a pain.

Unless you were on the other end of the condescension, as it turned out, Lloyd was at that instant.

Lloyd—simple-minded as he was—managed to pick up on her change in mannerisms and shrewdly answered by saying nothing in reply. A most wise decision any man could hope to accomplish while in Pandora’s presence.

Her reaction though, was anything but pleasant, or silent.

Her face turned a magnificent shade of beet accompanied by the sound of a train whistle-shriek emitted from her clenched teeth.

Lloyd turned a further shade of grey, making him seem like a ghost. He was also familiar with tantrums thrown by teenage girls. Those frightened him even more so than girl tears.

As a result of Pandora’s inclement emotional explosion (which may or may not have been contrived, only she can tell) Lloyd broke his vow of secrecy and code of honor among thieves to calm her.

“All I know is that we are to call him Boss, that’s all. He’s some big shot in the city, and nobody crosses Boss. Nobody. When he tells us to steal a painting—we do it. If he says rob a bank—we do it.”

“Kidnap a girl?” she asked. Her eyes dangerously trained on his face.

He nodded. It was as simple an answer as he could give, and all she needed to draw the conclusion that she was not going to get anything of deeper value from Lloyd. He was just a pawn. She needed to work her way up the food chain, and to do that, she had to stay exactly where she was.

Eventually, they would take her to the Boss. That was when she would get her answers. And when she would repay him for his act of insolence. Pandora was not fond of roughing it. The Boss was going down.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
BubbleGirl
Review

Hey Baywolf!
I love, love, LOVE this!!! A strong, sassy heroine who ALSO happens to be Pandora!!! I had a big thing for Greek mythology a few years ago and I like the way you've brought the character to life! My favorite bit:
'She took a deep breath, trying not to think about the dirt stains in her designer jeans, and concentrated on her objectives. One: break free—easy. Two: find out who the “Boss” is—not as easy, but doable. Three: payback—fun.'
The beginning gripped me at once, and it only got more enjoyable once I realized that the only ones in danger were Lloyd and Phil!
All in all, excellent!
Keep writing!

User avatar
Torigirl15
Review

i'm big into greek mythology, so i really enjoyed this story. The thing was, that Pandora was not only created to open the box to get revenge, she was married off, and she opened the box right away. it sort of confused why this started in present day... because the whole thing with pandora went down a long long time ago.

Random avatar
TheEnigma
Review

I like this Pandora of yours. She's got attitude. No one ever thinks about her, you're right.

This read easily and flowed well. The beginning of chapter 1 especially hooked me. I admit, the prologue was a little strange and distracting to me; I sort of ended up skimming it. I'm not sure how necessary it is to your story, but then, only you the author would know that.

While you had some interesting characters, you got me confused with them. The first impressions I had of them were quickly contradicted. For example, with Lloyd--in the first chapter he came off as strong and silent, but still in charge:

He didn’t talk very much, but left the short man the duty of explanations. If he had anything important to say, he would say it.


Then you reveal him as a weaker character here:

His partner had left him alone with the frightening blond girl, and he flinched as her voice hit him almost tangibly.


And here:

He was a very simple man, and he didn’t enjoy kidnapping nearly so much as a classy job of thieving.


These sentences suggest that Lloyd is neither bright nor in charge; his partner does all the thinking instead. Lloyd is quiet because he is either scared or ignorant. But just when I had this idea, you contradicted it again:

Lloyd—simple-minded as he was—managed to pick up on her change in mannerisms and shrewdly answered by saying nothing in reply. A most wise decision any man could hope to accomplish while in Pandora’s presence.


This here suggests there's more to Lloyd than what you wrote above says there is.

I know, maybe Lloyd isn't such an important character but it's good to make every character as real and interesting as possible. And I'd like to know more about the short man. If Lloyd is minor and you still gave us his name, you owe the short one that courtesy, too.

Now onto Pandora's character. She didn't fluctuate as much as Lloyd but she came off as both college-girl-with-attitude and arrogant immortal. I find it hard to believe that someone who has lived so long can be so shallow. Surely in four thousand years she's learned to fit in with humanity and not act above them? Perhaps the college girl attitude could be a disguise for what's underneath...

So my biggest advice would be to straighten out your characters and make sure everything you write about them fits, nothing contradicts.

I really liked your dialogue. Your characters have voice and even quirks. They made me laugh a couple times. You also used actions pretty well to help us get to know them.

The writing style was just right, not too descriptive or too boring or anything like that. You had me hooked all the way through, which is very good. Good job with this, and keep writing. PM if this review confused you in any way. :)



My one true aspiration in life is to make it into the quote gen.
— avianwings47