Tomboy044

I really like this. I love how you have shared with us a little bit of your childhood and letting us in. Letting us see what it was like in ...

Really good poem. To make it more powerful I'd describe the injuries of the others more just to make the message more important to the reader. Good job! x

'Looking down at England in vain' would sound better in my opinion. Overall, really good! :) x

I see what you were trying to do and it's a clever idea but I think that you need to make it a bit more clearer... x

I liked it! I also liked how you told the story, it was really interesting! I want more! Congrats on such a piece of fantastic writing x

Really clever! I like your take on the afterlife too! Congrats! x

Brillaint! The only thing: 'try's' should be 'tries'. I really like how you show the isolation too! :) Good job! x

You made me cry! This is such a powerful piece of writing as I believe that it really captures the writer's heart and makes them feel like they are witnessing ...

This absolutely gorgous. I like how you haven't set a really morbid tone yet still have a good level of respect. The imagery is beautiful as well! Your grandad would ...

OK guys, I've gone over the text again and made sure that it is clear when a differnt character's perspective is being shown. One thing I have noticed is that ...

Hey, thanks for reading. Once again the problem seems to be that the different perspectives were not made clear, so I have now edited the text so that it becomes ...

Hey, thanks a lot for reading an commenting! To be honest I did look over the extract after I had posted it and wonder if the different character's perspectives were ...