Published July 29, 2011
I would love to share my feelings
But cons tower over pros, ten to one
My heart wishes to speak
to be heard not Forgotten
But when I try to speak
I can only make a squeak
My mother can never understand
So in the end I stay in solitude, to myself
Her heart fills with pain
Whenever I am quiet, quiet in vain
She just doesn't understand
She couldn't comphrehend my pain
For she is from Italy, I from Spain
At least she try's to understand
She asks every day
But when I do answer
She looks at me befuddled
Ruffles my hair
Then goes in her room
While I stand and watch
And sigh feeling troubled
I truly love my mother
But not as much you see
For if I loved my mother
And she loved me
She would understand my feelings
Understand me.
P.S. THis is my first time writing a poem since second grade. i want to become a better writer. To do this i will appreciate any advise or criticism that you might have to help me develop. thanks.
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139,055 Literary Works • 672,402 Reviews
Brillaint! The only thing: 'try's' should be 'tries'.
I really like how you show the isolation too!
Good job! x
This is great. Haven't written since the secodn grade, eh? Who was your teacher? JK Rowling? This is awesome! Keep it up!
I think this is great. Definitely something many can identify with. I loved the Italy/Spain thing, very creative.
I liked it, but I thought it was weird. Especially with the whole
I guess it's good though, it was certainly interesting and unexpected, not your usual mother poem.
Your narrator confused me though, sometimes "he" sounded younger, but then he sounder older and much more mature(I'm assuming your the narrator, so it should sound older, I'm guessing). Overall "he" sounded older though. I think it was your word choice. You made compromises in order to rhyme.
On that note your Rhyming was good, and it flowed nicely, but just remember it's more important to get your message across then to rhyme or have a pattern.
I want to read more of your poetry, it's pretty cool.
I thought it was okay...I mean it wasn't the best that I've read. Although, I haven't read anything like this on this site yet, so this is unique in the fact that it's the first poem that I've read that somewhat deals with real life. So kudos to you for standing out. I did however see some minor mistakes and they will be in bold below.
1. The word "forgotten" doesn't need to be capitalized
2. The word "to" isn't really a mistake, but it would sound better if you put "by myself"
3. It should be either "I'm from Spain" or "I am from Spain"
I suggest better communication efforts when dealing with your mother. It sounds like you and your mother have terrible communications problems. Perhaps you're not disclosing enough information for your mother to understand. I know a lot of kids do this and then wonder why their parents "Don't understand". It's because they do not disclose "everything" and leave small bits out. I could be wrong about you in your situation, but don't give up and I wouldn't imply that your mother doesn't love you because she doesn't understand you. Just because someone doesn't understand doesn't mean they don't love you.
Then again, I think you said you wrote this a long time ago
Well good luck.
Aw! I'm sorry you feel that way! This is pretty good if the last time you wrote was in second grade. Unless you're now in 3rd grade....haha just kidding.
It's good 
Words of advice: I used to fight with my mom all the time, seriously we really butted heads. I slowly got closer to her by watching our now favorite tv show, Gilmore Girls, with her. Over time I started talking to her more and more and now our relationship isn't so bad. You just need to find a way to connect with her I think. Anyway your poem is great 