Tlahti

As you said yourself, this is REALLY short, but I kinda like the idea of writing such short stories (it adds a challenge). As there isn't much text, I don't ...

I'm almost sad that it's so short :P I'll look forward to reading the rest. You use details brilliantly, and I enjoy reading your works. Now for the not-so-fun part: ...

Okay Natalie, here we go. You have some amazing details along the way, and quite a varied use of words. I found some mistakes along the way, which I added ...

Overall a nice story with a good flow, and few grammatical errors. I know this is just the first chapter of a possibly quite long story, but I would still ...

Okay, don't kill me now :twisted: I noticed several mistakes throughout the story, but they were mostly minor ones. I'll just put my notes in bold. Prologue 15 Years Ago ...

Much has already been pointed out, and it seems that you have edited the story two times already. Nevertheless I will throw in my own opinion too. I liked the ...

I agree with Firestalker, especially about the sudden "LOL". It doesn't quite fit in, considering the lack of chat speak in the rest of the story. To me it sometimes ...

For a first try I don't think it's bad at all, but out of curiosity... what is the book about, other than him moving to New York? I'm not the ...

The worst book(s) I've read were some Danish one my teacher(s) thought would be nice. I don't know about everywhere else, but when teachers pick a book, they're not worth ...