Threnody

Hope this is the right place. I didn't mean to post another poem so soon after I posted one, but I had a conversation that made me want to right ...

Hmm. I like. Maybe you should show the main character through the beggining more. You could keep the same idea but describe through words more about him besides the fact ...

Give me weed Pound or two Take out all the seeds and sticks So my head won’t transfix With twisting and twirling And whirling I smoke the most On April ...

I think it's good. It needs to flow more however. You don't need to rhyme to make this poem sound good. Alot of discription is added and I think it ...

This is a very powerful poem. I think though, that you should get to the point in the beginning. Also, punctuation would be nice. Otherwise, I think that this was ...

Hmm. Nice. I think I like it. But here are some grammer issues and etc. [/quote] only to come down there is an over use of the word "to" how ...

Okay so, LivingFantasy, You just basically pulled apart his WHOLE POEM! You may as well rewrite it for him. But don't worry Lukas, I liked it. But maybe you could ...

My GOSH everyone! You guys are being so mean! I mean really. It was a good thought. It does need stanzas though. I could hardly read it because it ran ...

He thinks to himself quite frankly Maybe it should be "He thinks to himself quite honestly, or such. Whilst everything was the matter Make this part a little more clear. ...

Point: You can't actually be 100 years old, because you sound WAY to immature for that. Point2: I so agree with that other person about blood pills. Maybe something else, ...

Question: How long did you have to write this? 5 min, 10min...etc? :? It sounds very rushed. And a tiny bit choppy. Maybe you could make it smoother. Possibly by ...

I like it. It could actually go far. A prologue would be kind of nice. It would actually make the story better. Otherwise I love your idea! Keep going 'cause ...

Good Lord. This is probably the first time I'll say this, but prologues are meant to be a little vague, to make the reader wonder; one, whats going on; two, ...

Amazing... as always!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Very sweet. *insert eyeroll here* :roll: Ummm... Very, Verry vague. May make a nice poem. As for this, it needs a bit of revision or it's headed for the bin. ...