TheEnigma

You start off well with a great hook, but the rest needs some work. The first thing you should do is break down your paragraphs a lot. Big paragraphs deter ...

This is an interesting introduction. Very philosophical. It does start off a little slow, but you say some interesting things in your first paragraph. I liked your second paragraph best. ...

You did a nice job kicking off with a mystery. You led in and out of the story with suspense--starting with dialogue was a great beginning. It seems to me, ...

Is there more of a story behind this? I feel like this is just the beginning of a piece, and you could expand it more. How about putting in a ...

This is very nicely written. I like how you keep the name of the girl hidden and weave small details about her into the story, so she ends up kind ...

Haha...this is funny. Deeply appreciated. :D But of course, I'm here to review, so I'll get down to business. My first thing is just nitpicking, and I see this mistake ...

This is well written, but I think you change too constantly between characters. After a while it starts to get confusing as to whose point of view you're writing from. ...

Just a question: Do you really need the character introductions at the beginning? I'm sure you can find a way to work their descriptions into the story. That's an important ...

This is really good. I only have a couple of criticisms to make: ~don't be afraid to use the word "said". It fits smoothly into the writing. ~I was just ...

The first thing I would work on here is your beginning paragraph. It leads well into the story, but I found myself losing focus as I was reading it. It ...

Your writing flows smoothly. You have a lot of nice descriptions. At some points, I feel the description is a little overdone, but then, you are writing this for a ...

This is really a nicely written piece. You started off with a good hook and kept your writing to the point and fluent. You also used dialogue cleverly--I liked how ...

This is great! It's so honest, and warmly told. You did a great job creating original characters and using dialogue and thoughts to reveal more about them. This is a ...

This is very deep. Your main character is unusually thoughtful and is also human. Your writing is descriptive without going overboard or losing the reader in long paragraphs. You offer ...

Wow, wait to start the mystery right away. I think you did a great job giving just enough detail to intrigue the reader while at the same time holding back ...