TheEnigma

Wow, this was crazy. It did seem like a dream, almost. I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation between Alexis and the strange man towards the end. You did a great job ...

You write well, but you make a lot of mistakes in punctuation that detract from your writing. I stumbled over quite a few run-on sentences and sentences that looked as ...

This was pretty good. I liked this a lot. You had some run-on sentences in there, but overall your grammar was neat. I mean , I’m not the confident type ...

I like how you set up the backstory right away; with some characters it works very nicely. Your first paragraph was pretty informative without getting boring, which is good. However...after ...

Whoa, good start. For a moment there I thought you were going to start off with a fight between your MC and a monster, but then you completely changed tack. ...

This was good, but AngerManagement's right, it's hard to tell who's saying what. You could add phrases such as "he thought' or "she thought back" to clarify, maybe. I didn't ...

The beginning paragraph was a little slow. At first it wasn't clear to me what was going on, because I had no idea what the setting was--maybe clarify that a ...

It's kind of hard to criticize the writing style when it's a children's book...what age exactly were you writing for? For ages 4 and below, some of your description, particularly ...

This is well written, but it is kind of long to read. You just wrote paragraphs of the MC's thoughts and there was no action and little suspense. That can ...

Ah, a catchy beginning and a suspenseful ending. I commend you on both, as well as on your remarkable use of dialogue. There is some nitpicking I'd like to get ...

Wow, you completely changed the view on stars, and you summed it up very nicely in four stanzas. I especially like how you sort of personified the stars by making ...

You should definitely expand this a bit. It's well written, but I could do with a little more detail, some history, an explanation of all these relationships. And characters! You ...

You write descriptively, but you have long paragraphs full of information that is hard to take in all at once. I found myself struggling to get through some of your ...

I'll comment on your characters, that's always fun. Julia's an interesting character, I have to say. You do a good job showing her personality through dialogue and her reactions, especially ...

You had me laughing here. Great characters. Zerelda was a piece of work, and Bert was...interesting. I only noticed that you kept switching points of view. You started off with ...