ThanatosPrinciple

Whoa. I'm really spooked. That was really powerful. Ugh. She must have a really religious family, I guess. Anyway, I couldn't really find anything worth shredding, so I'm going to ...

I really expected this story to be a stereotype. Well done! You were able to inject personality and denial into your character! That's a real significant sign of a good ...

OK, whoa. There's a lot of information flying through the reader's head in the first paragraph. I'm still reeling from it. Ok, you NEED to cut back on that. Plus, ...

I agree with VampireBloodrace. You should revise that. YWS is kind of messed up with paragraphs, so it would be great if you were to space things out a bit. ...

Ok, first off, never ever be scared to post things. Especially if they're as good as this one. That's what we're all here for. Anyway, so far so good. Try ...

Wow KJ this is great! Are you a Twilight fan? Cause if you are I bet this was inspired from that! Anyway, twilight or not, this is a wonderful beginning. ...

Wow. I'm too much in awe of the sentient being you've created with words to comment thoroughly. I think you should definitely try to elaborate more. It really is fascinating, ...

This is very interesting. Very interesting. Let's be practical first. The very first sentence, I think, is a little long. It also has a few grammatical errors (I believe) and ...

I really like this story. It may be challenged a little bit plotwise, but the writing is definitely sophisticated. I think you should make the story have more action. It ...

It's an interesting concept, women overturning the tables and taking over the government etc. etc. I think it could be applied better in the story, however. The story begins very ...

You know, I'm not really sure what it is that 'an ode to sarcasm' is. What was it supposed to be. Plus, you asked for it to be reviewed, and ...

OK, so, it's a very dark beginning. I thought you told more than showed, basically you used too little descriptions that showed the reader what was happening. Anyway, you need ...

I'm not sure of what to think of this poem. Some parts were confusing, and how you called the boy who whistled 'stupid'. Some of the wording should be changed ...

BenedictionofGrace, I don't think it would matter much if it was you or I who got 'aborted'. Think about it this way: the baby hasn't even been fully developed anyhow. ...

I thought most of it was very awkward...sure, it was generally well-written. However, I think it needs to be revised a bit. When there is dialogue in the story, for ...