Teague

I found the style simple and easy to follow. However you say "Steven" far to many times, we know who the scene is about so "He" will do just fine. ...

Unless it is absolutely necessary for the story, you should name your characters. It is agitating for them to only differ between "young" man and "old" man. Seeing that you ...

This does sound a lot like an opening paragraph. I'd like to see more before I can give you a proper critique. Oh and you misspelt "barbarians." -St. Razorblade

I'm sorry if I repeat what anyone else has said. Time is against me at the moment. “Why?” the young boy said weakly. Here's a rule for you. Never, ever ...

Pretty good. Put more. Add detail. People like to have a background in order to understand the setting. Tell what's happening. But, I think you have a great start and ...

Oh my gosh. :oops: There's a reason why it doesn't make sense. For some reason the computer I was using hiccupped and cut off half of the prologue! *dies* I'll ...

Well, I changed it, so this is more or less of a bump, which I'm totally ashamed of. :oops:

I think I might know it under the title "Smack." Great book. Absolutely love it.

Well, thanks for what you guys had to say. I actually think I'm going to scrap the whole prologue and write a new one, because I came up with a ...