Tadatori53

I liked how you had that descriptive scene in the beggining, it was very smooth in bringing us in the story. The over all story was interesting and has me ...

There are a bit of puncuation errors, as stated already. Also, I make this mistake alot, the I in "I'm" needs to be capitalized. I know I either spell it ...

I see you revised it a bit! Let me see....You still spelled 'something' 'somthing' and 'then' 'the' in the paragraph following the poem/song. Chapter one still uses 'she' alot...and for ...

I really liked it! It caught my attention and kept me wanting more! There were a few grammar mistakes but nothing major. There's a few commas that certain places are ...

Overall, this is really good. It kept me interested. You might want to watch for repeating yourself. Try to use different words or change the sentencew a bit. I didn't ...

I agree that the song needs to be italized or underlined (I think italized would fit better) The song was amazing and I could just hear it as if someone ...

I liked how you referanced her to a toothpick in her body stucture. That was good. I also liked how you discribed her eyes as they were glaring, it was ...