Swires

Yes, Rebelle is right, it sounds much better even though it isnt grammatically sound.

Ill do chapter one tomorrow when I have a spare moment

LOL! I know the feeling

Thanks for the feedback.

Thankyou for the critque, this was written before I discovered plotting so the whole thing is a little lopsided. :) I may come back to this soon and edit it ...

That is excellent! Its one of the most original pieces I've read in a long time, I love it how the characters see the whole thing as perfectly normal. Great ...

I dislike your first paragraph, you use "night" too often in the first sentence and its just a little messy. Other than that, Sam covered everything, and well done. A ...

Thankyou, I look forward to more comments.

Chapter 2 – Destruction The purple sand lay calm whilst the Master glided over it in twisted awe. His eyes focused on a single object, his brain child, his creation. ...

Ive updated it with corrections and also used a capital "h" for "He" to reiterate The Master's power. Thanks for the comments.

Well Sam said everything I was goignt o say an more. I agree with most thing apart from the teen/boy thing, I dont really think it matters what you call ...

LOL! Great story, I hope you will continue,. the plot was deep....very deep. Ive never read such an emotional piece. lol...

No I dont, but yes the switch was masterful

Thankyou, yes this was rushed a little because I needed to get a feel of where the story was going. This thing probably wont even go into the actual thing.

Sorry for the delay but I have been on holiday, thanks for the critique.