Stripes

Very insightful! The metaphor is original and well-thought-out. You might want to correct a few typos, though. :wink: Also, these lines are a little mixed up: creating a soothing tune ...

I have to say, I'm very impressed. The imagery in this poem is stunning, and it leaves you feeling intrigued and moved and wanting more. Very powerful. There are a ...

Hello! Looking at this as a first pass, I think you're doing pretty well, but it does need some serious clean-up. The most pressing problem is the grammar: Lilicia mentioned ...

Hello! It sounds like you've got an interesting concept here, an interesting story, but as yet I can't quite see what's going on. You don't have to hit us over ...

Hello! I have to agree with Babanuuk here--you write powerfully and create an intense atmosphere in this piece, but that's all there is. I'm curious to know more: what's going ...

Hi! I'm Stripes, I'm new here, too. I think you have a good concept here, but you're being held back by your determination to rhyme. To me this poems feels ...

Hi! I know you already replied to some critiques on this, but I thought I would mention a couple of things... First, I'm not sure I agree with the assessment ...