Stori

Um. I can only repeat what the other person said. Except to say that I'm glad you came back.

Actually, I wasn't going "what the heck." It's more like, "This is very original."

I actually caught only one error here. He tried to focus on all three, but cannot. Tried clashes since it's past tense. An innocent typo, I'm sure. Otherwise this is ...

First off, I noticed you used the names Ryan and Amelia. Which is ok, I'm just pointing that out. Next, when it talks about the game company the story lapses ...

I didn't understand that something was wrong until the MC suddenly burst into tears. To tell you the truth, I thought it was really random. But good job.

Dumb question: What is the M15?

Let me just say, this needs more showing. As it is, the text reads more like an essay than a novel.

I noticed that you started the story in present tense, then shifted the rest to past tense.

I like it. The part before the actual story was repetitive, but the rest was well done. Just one mistake I want to point out: as if the words them ...

I think Kaliber missed something. she didn't notice the loan black car It should be spelled lone. That's about it, except to say that this is a great piece.

It's good. I may have missed some grammar errors, for once, but I like this.

The captain always goes down with the ship, A semicolon or full stop might be more appropriate, but it's your poem. Overall, it's pretty good.

Ok, forgvie my ignorance, but what're the square marks for?

Wow, I say wow. Um, not much to offer in review, but I like.

I like this, very original. Just one error I spotted. there was something--an itch?-- The first time you used a solid dash (an em dash I think) and the second ...