Stori

I agree with Firestar. Although, I don't like how the elves were done. (It's the "we don't believe in any god" part. Mostly.)

As I was reading this, I could hear it in my head. That's good. But... I think you should break this up into verses.

Ok, first off, I think this needs a LOT more short sentences. 'Cause right now, it's like trying to read the Lord of the Rings. until she didn't breath again ...

Very nice. I can't really comment on rhythm and stuff, but this is good.

Hmm. It's pretty interesting, though I only got as far as The Reality Bug.

Hey, you guys finished yet? I think he did a good job on Eragon at least.

O-k, first off: I think the whole "mysterious pain" thing is a little cliched. And second, unless Dan is used to dealing with spirits, I think he'd be a lot ...

Well, unusually for me, I couldn't spot any grammar mistakes. So I'll just say, the boy losing his memory is rather abrupt. We don't know why he doesn't remember anything, ...

Actually, the idea reminds me of Revelations. How the human race goes to put under the new government. Maybe you should consider that.

Rubric, I agree with you on Eldest. (And hey, it's technically not Eragon, right?)

I'm glad someone entered. I think the others already got the line-by-lines, so I'll just say "Thanks."

Black Cat, you should've told me you wrote this! Anyway, it's a great piece of work, and I look forward to more like it.

Wow. That's creepy. The first thing I'd like to note is, you change tenses sometimes. So I stand up and she smiles at me Looks likes there aren't any other ...

Having seen that all the grammar things are fixed, I'd like to point something out. First, crocodiles are never green, though for the story it works. And second, if this ...

Let me be the first to say, this was great. And review, :) Things were the same each year, Eric, my obnoxious... I'd either replace the comma after "year" with ...