Won't Happen Again

I've walked this lonely street before
I have shared that kiss
I've been through that door,
I've been touched like this.

I've been taken advantage of,
I've been hurt and scorned.
I have been the broken one,
I've been there before.

I'll not make that mistake again,
I'll not be cast aside.
I'll not be told that I am loved
And then left in the rain to cry.

So do not tell me that you love me,
Don't say there's no one else,
Don't cherish me and kiss me sweet,
Just to put me on the shelf.

I will not be the victim,
This time I will be strong,
Even though you whisper tenderly,
I know I am not wrong.

For I can see all of the signs,
That you try so hard to hide,
I know I'm just a toy to you,
A pretty thing you can buy.

So dress your lies with silk,
And have your masquarade
But remember, lies can kill,
And the truth will never fade.
~~~~~~

I'd really love you guys input! :)

Comments & reviews · 7
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User avatar
CrisCaraway
Review

WOW, I really loved this poem. I liked the way it rhymed and it flowed well. well done :D :D :D

User avatar
ShaydeDesiree
Review

I loved this poem. The deeper meaning behind it made it even better.
my favorite lines have to be;

"I've been taken advantage of,

I've been hurt and scorned.

I have been the broken one,

I've been there before."

and
"So dress your lies with silk,

And have your masquarade

But remember, lies can kill,

And the truth will never fade."

I loved this poem. There isnt much i can say to crit. it. The rhyme and flow of this poem was great. I hope to see more of your writing. You are an awesome writer!

Loved it. A person would thing that if anyone would make a poem like this (i mean the structure that's always the same) and this long, it would surely be a failure, but not yours. You captivate me and I read the rest of the stanzas with an anxiety dis needed. I really liked it. The rhymes were god and it told a story. Good work! :D

User avatar
KookieKatie
Review

You have an innate ability for rhythm, technique, and rhyme. While your story has no names or specifics you manage to create a vivid picture with the reader's imagination. You make your message loud and clear. You also convey your emotions in your choice of words, and your style. An all-around good poem.

If you want something to work on for your next poem, I would like to see longer poems - try stretching it out, expanding your thoughts. It could make it really good!!

Great work, keep writing!
-KK

User avatar
Anna Graham
Review

I like it! It's definitely a more common subject, but I think you did well with it. The rhyming didn't sound forced, and you had a lot of creative wording.
I especially liked,
"So dress your lies with silk,
And have your masquarade "

There were some rhythm problems, which i'm not experienced in enough to know how to fix. I do know that these didn't flow quite as well:

"So do not tell me that you love me,"

"I know I am not wrong."

"I've been taken advantage of,"

Just try saying them out loud, and maybe you'll feel the unsteadiness I felt and know how to fix them. Or maybe I'm just crazy. :wink:

--Anna

User avatar
Stori
Comment

Very nice. I can't really comment on rhythm and stuff, but this is good.



The moral of Snow White is never eat apples.
— Lemony Snicket