Squall

“Because you need to know, you’ve been denying yourself for along time.” Meant to be "a long". He white wall cracked down the middle; light shown through, pulsing with silent ...

The concept behind this is good but you mainly info dump and tell us, not show. It doesn't let the reader connect to your story and it just spoils it. ...

Hahha. The start of this was cute. Reminds me of kindy. This was a good prologue. I like houw you changed from a relaxed situation to suddenly being intense. It ...

A very exciting chapter. Here, Issac is given a ring, but I wonder what is the ring for. I was surprised that he got jumped straight after he aquired the ...

I like this very much. The characters felt very real to me and you had the right amount of description for me to picture the scene. I noticed you also ...

Hi there Madien :) Finally,Sersemon thrust his sword at Aiekeir's stomach. Aiekeir whirled away, throwing the boy off balance for just a moment. In that moment, he stepped behind him, ...

Hi Lynlyn. First of all, this was good. It was well written and flowed along nicely. I quite like the names, but it's a shame that I think you could ...

Hi Pol. The first thing I noticed when I read this was the start was kinda abrupt. In the morning Knall climbed out of bed slowly, still processing the information ...

Sup Chey. I was caught off guard so easily. It cannot happen again. Don't tell us how she felt. Show us lol. They were just out of sight of the ...

Hi Scribe. On the forest floor scurried a murmuring, shimmering stream filled with clear, cold water. Too many adjectives. I can already picture the stream. I dunno why you needed ...

The idea to this is good but I wasn't really impressed with this overall. It felt kind of rushed and I did not feel a connection with your story. You ...

I think the lines "hush little baby" seems a bit overused. I also don't know what the exclaimation marks are for. I kinda figured this was like a rock song ...

God this was good. Flowed along like a movie and the words you used created a crystal clear image in my mind. I pictured them talking in this fancy palace ...

Hi Cutie (pinches face lol) His eyes would not leave hers. It was odd, though intimate, and frightening all at the same time. Nice hook. Sets the story up well. ...

Sup dude. I think I should give you a critque. Khor awoke into a dimly lit room and with the feeling of soft covers pressing against his bare chest. He ...