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Re: All For Money
Hi there! So, I have to agree with the other reviewers. Technically it's a wonderful piece, and the subject matter is prevalent and thought-provoking and all that jazz, but where's ...
Oct 16, 2010 -
Re: Birds On a Wire
Persephoneia // Coral, You're a great poet. I find it difficult to nitpick your poetry, because, stylistically there is nothing necessarily wrong with it. I'll nitpick though, and say that ...
Oct 16, 2010 -
Re: The Laughing Bridge (Decisions)
Hey! I really liked the rhyme, the subject matter, all around it was a good piece. Only nitpick I have is that one of your lines is awkward---the one with ...
Oct 16, 2010 -
Re: In My Dreams
Hey there tkpejb! I'm SporkPunk and I'll review this today. I think that this poem isn't bad, not at all. I think the repetition of "a dream" aids the poem, ...
Oct 16, 2010 -
Re: The Invasion- Prolouge
Hi xLollipopx! I'm Spork and I'll review this today. Before I begin though, I should tell you that reviews from people who may not like your pieces can also be ...
Oct 16, 2010 -
Re: Confusing
Hi Leah! I'm SporkPunk, and I'll review this today. :) First off, before I really begin, I want to say that I can relate to this poem. predicament doesn't involve ...
Oct 15, 2010 -
Re: Celebrity Crush
Hi Paramore94. Welcome to YWS! Now, I didn't actually read this whole thing. It's really daunting. My suggestion to you is to post one chapter at a time. That way, ...
Oct 15, 2010 -
Re: Garbage (GOYLBAWS Contest)
Hiya Story! I'm SporkPunk and I'll review this today. :D Grammar: It was lying Much, much easier to say "It lay." Also, it gets rid of passive voice, which is ...
Oct 15, 2010 -
Re: Claire is Dead (Chapter One)
Hey there Drago! I'm SporkPunk and I'll review this today. :D Grammar, wording and other things The sky, streaked with orange, was a lovely sight that morning. Don't TELL your ...
Oct 14, 2010 -
Re: The History of Time
Hi funkymomo! Can I call you Momo? Welcome to YWS! Grammar: I found a few things, but nothing serious. Proofreading can take care of these errors. deviod Devoid. Just a ...
Oct 12, 2010 -
Re: Sometimes There Are Grey Areas
Hi Jaz! I'm Spork and I'll review this today. :D Okay, some people may complain about the fragmented lines, but I really liked them. They conveyed that uneasy tone...and the ...
Oct 12, 2010 -
Re: Nye
Twiggers, Hi! I think you started this out fairly well. The flow was there, and I could follow the poem easily. However, in the middle, right around the mood transition, ...
Oct 12, 2010 -
Re: Autumn Leap
Hey there Ollie! Well, I think the subject matter is interesting, and the imagery is good. However, I can't really discern any meter, which is okay if it's free verse. ...
Oct 10, 2010 -
Re: Kicking Like There's No Tomorrow
Hey Luxy! Sorry this took so long, but I'm here as requested. :) Grammar: "Umm, Lea? What the fuck is going on?" I screeched. We'd stopped in front of a ...
Oct 10, 2010 -
Re: The Lockets -- Chapter 2 [Snowflake]
Hey there Jash! Sporky here as requested. :) Grammar and stuff: "No." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. " Just a typo here, but you don't need the ...
Oct 9, 2010
