Autumn Leap

it was an OK poem. the subject is interesting but this poem can be improved on
1. you used the word series in the second line. it doesn't make sense.
2.i did not get the feel of a poem while reading yours. it was as if reading a paragraph.
3. rhyming words might help. in some cases it does but in some it doesn't
keep writing!

SilentOllie wrote:I leapt through the Autumn leaves
Bridging the chasm of empty air. Nice. I like this.
Series of gold and red fall softly as I leap. Series? What is a series? I can't imagine that as an object or quantity.
I reach out to grab the branches, You don't need the second I.
Hoping I do not fall to Death. You can fall to death? So, you'll drop through the skylight and appear in front of him / her / it?
Breathe in, breathe out, I leap again. Oh wow, you're really putting a lot of detail into only jumping... How exciting... I am not serious, but where is the motion? The movement through the poem? From one idea to the next; I am just seeing the same scene, thing. Make it move.
Running upward on trunk, I gaze into the sky.You run up a tree trunk and gaze at the sky? Wow, you must be falling for a quite a while.
Closing my eyes I push away, and jump once more. Push away from what? The trunk? If so, please lose the gaze into the sky part, that implies that you're not moving. And the act of running up a tree makes you look upward, so you don't even really need it.
I miss, I miss and now I'm falling, Don't repeat the I miss, it's not really needed and it changes the tone, you ought to take one of them out.
Fear surges into me, as I blindly reach out,
Grabbing the end of a leafy branch I descend to the ground below.[b] You're being quite wordy, you can easily say this with less words: Grabing onto a lively branch, I descend. You don't need to give it so much description that it becomes a chore to read or is boring.
Landing with a rustle I look around me and watch,
The leaves continue to fall, never to cease.Well, this is kinda boring. There's nothing really happening, this was quite wordy, all the description makes it more like prose, since a lot of this isn't left to imagination, and there's really here to interpret. And there's a lack of similes and metaphors. But you don't exactly need them in a piece like this. But it could really help to make it more interesting, instead of giving all this away up front.

Hey there Ollie!

Well, I think the subject matter is interesting, and the imagery is good. However, I can't really discern any meter, which is okay if it's free verse. There are no spelling errors, so that's also good. I don't suggest capitalizing every first line, though, when using enjambment. Also, this doesn't really read like a poem. You can sort read it like a paragraph. So I thought it was okay, but can be improved.

---Sporks

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