Snoink

You're thinking of lions, my dear. Tigers don't have many cubs, don't hunt antelope, and the terrain isn't just tall grass -- they live in the jungle also. Research your ...

...er, I think the website screwed your formating up. You're going to want to fix that. Otherwise, you won't get a lot of comments, and that's bad. :P

Actually, it's the other way around. I breathe in, but it's my last breath. ;)

Hehehe... I told you that you were a good writer. ;) *wants more*

I like the dialogue, but it's MUCH too much dialogue and not enough action, so throw in some action within the dialogue and that will make it nicer. :)

Yeah, not all of them were crappy, but some of them were fit to be tied, beaten with a stick, and then killed in some horrible way, preferably by being ...

Okay... before I critique, answer this: You say he is alone, right? WHERE does the woman come from?

"the flattery of black veuls and" You mean "veils?" Otherwise, I liked this! And ha... we love writing Incan some poems. XD

Grif has an entire graveyard of stories... it's quite sad. O_o

You can make him still stay anonymous, but at least provide us a picture of him so he's more like a person and less like a ghost. :)

Yay! Typo fixed. ;) I wrote it right on paper -- honest! XD

It's not that long, and since it's already separated into sections, you can post it by section. ^_^;;

Oh, also - it's a personal preference, but I usually prefer to read "thirteen" and not "13" in actual prose. Unless it's a very large and very specific number (eg: ...

Oooooooh... I like this.

Chapter 3 At first he wasn’t quite sure what to do. With the demon gone, it grew dark again, the only light coming from the angel. But it was a ...