Snoink

Hey Michael! So, your poem raises a lot of questions which really are not answered in your poem! For instance, why 1983? Is this a reference to George Orwell's novel? ...

Hi Dreamwalker! I just wanted to pop by and say that I really liked this. My favorite part about this is the beginning, actually. This part is beautiful: she sleeps ...

Hi Flower! :) So, this is definitely an interesting piece! With regards to the format, you might consider coloring the text so it's less obtrusive... still! A very neat time. ...

Hi! First of all... why did you use the colors? They seem fully unnecessary for your poem, except make it look weird. And I am not sure why you colored ...

Hey kotabear! First off, welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy it here. :) Next off, I am a bit confused by your poem... is this person dead or is ...

I think I expected something new, something which would turn me to thinking like you do, or seeing why. Yes, yes, yes! This is not new. This is just complaining. ...

Hi Kenni! First of all... angels! This is pretty interesting, because I love stuff about angels... it's a long story, lol. Anyway, I didn't really get the impression that this ...

Hi Mirasol! First of all, flowers don't shine. You start off with the flower metaphor, and then the last stanza you refer to... something else. So, you might want to ...

Okay! So, I loved your poem except for this stanza: When will this fog clear up? It makes me feel broken, strangled, lost. I want to grope, but your caressing ...

Hey Ignatius! I looked over your poem! It looks like you have two subjects... you have the subject of you being dead, and you have the whole looking at a ...

Hi Bird! :) It does seem a little bare! You keep on repeating yourself... it feels like you're just writing your own version of "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" in ...

Hi Spinelli! This kind of reminds me of that line in "Strawberry Fields Forever" when John Lennon says this: No one, I think, is in my tree I mean, it ...

Eek, you're in the middle of editing? Hopefully, my comments won't be totally worthless then! First, the horse makes me sad. I wish no horses were treated like this, ever. ...

Hi! Do you happen to like Nine Inch Nails, or am I totally off the mark? Anyway! For this poem, I think you can make this much cooler if you ...

This might just be me, but while I love bare dialogue, this seems to be wanting to be fleshed out. Especially if you continue it! Also, fleshing it out and ...