Snoink

Wait.... what? This prologue doesn't really make sense. At all. Throw away this prologue and come up with the interesting story instead. This doesn't tell you anything, it doesn't inspire ...

Haha, I love your use of sharp imagery. That poem was like eating cheddar... yummy! And unlike Fand, I dig the colloquialism. :) Anyway! This was awkward: And anyway, the ...

This has a really really good title that pulled me in and made me want to read this poem. That's a good thing. Now... to the poem itself. It's random. ...

Yes... I can imagine this now. I am walking down the street and suddenly someone stops in the middle of the road and says these immortal lines: "I'm done for, ...

Yuck. This is just description of what lies do to somebody. Big deal. I can tell you how to make a buffered system using chemistry, but just because I can ...

Michael is sooooooooo cute! We better see more of him later. His name, incidentally, was the original name of Daniel in FREAK. It is funny that Lena falls in love ...

So, like, should I just fall at your feet now and commend my soul to you or would you rather me just suffocate you in hugs? :P I think publication ...

At this point, I'm really really really hoping that you have a broadband connection. Why? Because I have a present for you. :3 Despite my modish appearance, I am actually ...

Geep! I think you can make this poem awesome! Right now, you're using descriptions and stuff, telling us about the pathway. The pathway has a misty maze, etc. But! That ...

YWS decided to die, just as I wrote a comment for this. So, five million days later, I'm commenting! Yay! This is cool. I loved it and it was funny ...

My inner feminist inside of me is tempted to scream. This is such a shallow representation of a woman... especially of a beloved woman. It really doesn't say anything, just ...

The voice in the head part is kind of scary. I mean, it implies that the girl goes crazy and skitzo and that solves her problems? What sort of message ...

Ugh! I hated the imagery! Any mention of surgery and cutting makes me feel twitchy. Don't ask... it involves an almost-tragedy with me and a chainsaw. Slightly traumatizing... Anyway. That ...

Hmm... I don't really find it interesting that she has a secret that she's keeping from the guy who she supposedly (shallowly?) loves. It just... not that interesting. It's not ...

The rhythm is good but... it doesn't really say anything. Are these the only thoughts that go through your head as you think about this sort of stuff? I don't ...