Snoink

Aw, this is kind of a cute poem! :) To make it more geared for children (since it totally reminds me of a children's poem), try making this message more ...

My name is Sam! Sam I am! I do not like... Haha, just joking. ^^ A couple of things: Part of me likes the style, another part (the part that ...

Hey jackle! Welcome to YWS! :D This is a very packed poem! Which is a completely awesome thing, don't get me wrong! But you could write an entire poem out ...

Awesome story! I liked it lots... it reminded me of "Nosotros los pobres" for some reason. :) A quick story! Apparently, my grandma grew up in New York at a ...

Hey Lord Anzius! This story would probably best fit a movie! Right now, it seems really random that he suddenly dies and such... a great, action-packed scene for the beginning ...

Hey Elinor! So I never read "The Lightning Thief" so if this has something to do with that... well... I have no idea. :P However, I adore Greek mythology, so ...

Hey Lezalean! :D One of the things that I think would really make this piece stronger is by combining the narrative more effectively with the dialogue. I like dialogue heavy ...

Hey, L5! This piece is really confusing right now! You jump from a prison to a party, and it just doesn't quite make sense. Instead of putting everything at once ...

Nice advice, Trace! Some of it was right on the mark. :) The main critique I would like to give you is organization, organization, organization! You need to be able ...

Hey elfwriter! :D One of the things that struck me about this piece was the lack of focus it seemed to have! Although there was a lingering, unresolved problem with ...

Hey Winie! :D First of all, sorry for not getting to this piece sooner! Now... let's get to the critique, shall we? :) I really want to see some action ...

Hey, LovePeace! :D First of all, welcome to YWS! Okay, now that's done... I think this is pretty interesting story, but I am kind of a sucker for ghost stories, ...

Hey mizzy! I know what you're trying to do... really, I do! But I don't like it. It's not as concise and pretty as Hemingway's story. Plus, with Hemingway's story, ...

Hey Auteur! It looks like you have a crazy dream here, and because of that, I kind of adore this piece. It's really unique and surreal and awesome, in general. ...

Hey defendthelegend! So, obviously you really don't like social networking sites! This is fine. But reading your poem, we really don't get a clear idea as to why you don't ...