Snoink

This. Is. The. Most. Awesome. Poem. Ever. The main comment I have is that I object to the whole ham part. Less ham, more pickle. Also, I love your rhyme ...

Venturepants! You have a fun name! :D Anyway, I think I may have ADD or something... when I was reading your poem, I kept stopping and going. The effect that ...

Hey Yuri! So, she's blind, eh? ;) This means that you've only did a fourth of the poem! She still has taste, touch, and smell! And trust me... you remember ...

Hey Thane! :D So, this looks like more of a rap then poetry, if that makes sense, just because of the constant rhyming and jaggedness of it all. So that's ...

Hey Tariq! Since you brought this up again, I'm assuming you want critiques! Anyway, I thought this was really bland. It felt like you wanted to give a message, but ...

Hey Rhiannon! :D I too thought this was a very cavalier way of dealing with this sort of thing! Maybe too cavalier. I kept on thinking, "Well, if she doesn't ...

Er... I'm not done yet! I have to go to class! But here is what I have so far. You tend to be far wordier than you need to be ...

Hey Mo! :D One thing that you might consider when you edit is to make this more concrete! Right now, the description is very thought-based... you're not actually describing real ...

Hey Mr. Spaceman! :D So, Eli was right! Your sentence structure needs to be spruced up. Try combining sentences or starting with other words besides pronouns... it might make things ...

Loved, loved the title! :D One thing that I want you to try... you have a lot of lines and some of the lines and descriptions can be a bit ...

Eek! I really, really like this little smidgen of dialogue! It's very interesting! Plus, the people sound like they genuinely know and can converse with each other which is fabulous! ...

Teehee, curly hair? You must be speaking of someone else! ;) But no! Some really good imagery here! My favorite was little piggies snuffling around... that verb, snuffling, made me ...

Hahaha! The dancing elephant is cute, but I would lose that and the whole *walks away smugly* part in serious poetry. ;) As far as your poem goes, right now ...

Hey BeautifulDoom! Okay, so first of all, I've studied chemistry (in fact, I'm just about to get my biochemical engineering degree! :D), so I'm kind of a nerd! Anyway, rust ...

Hey Bandgeek! The ending was a very good cliffhanger... made me wonder what was going to happen next. :) The next thing you're going to want to do is make ...