Published April 24, 2010
Moans and cries of agony escaped my lips as despair and anguish washed over me like an oncoming tidal wave. Misery hung in the air around me, but I was completely and utterly alone. I was screaming and screaming for help, but no one came. I was also fighting the chains that held me ten feet above the ground. Helplessness became prominent, so I let my body sag as I accepted defeat. I hung, suspended in midair, tears rolling down my face. The rust from the chains that held me cut at the soft flesh of my wrists, and blood ran down my arms. My cries turned into whimpers as I began to realize that there truly was no way out of this and I was surely going to die.
A chain of memories worked their way into my mind as I relived the past four months. It was him, the one I truly trusted, that led me to the peril that was surely on its way. I remembered his face clearly in my mind, and as much as it disgusted me to admit it, it still gave me chills just thinking about him. His light brown eyes glimmered in my mind, and my heart beat faster in my chest just picturing it. Even at the time of my utmost weakness, I still fantasized about his hands on my skin, and his lips on mine. I relived the few moments of passion we shared, the feel of us becoming one...
I snapped out of my reverie and tried again at my desperate attempt for freedom. I struggled on the chains that held me in the air, pulling my weight down as hard as I could in order to snap them. It was fruitless. “HEEEEEELP!” my voice rang out of my throat and filled the cavernous room around me. “Somebody please help me!” I wailed as loud as I could. Desperation clouded my mind as I imagined what it would be like to die.
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139,409 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Ooooh well this is a really powerful prologue here. We've got someone trapped in what is very clearly a very life threatening situation right there doesn't appear to be much of a way out of it from the looks of things. I think you manage to paint this picture of desperation rather well here and it really comes together neatly to showcase just how horrible this situation is.
Well this is certainly quite something. We've got a very interesting extra angle there to consider now that we've gotten a little more detail on the background of this situation. It adds a very interesting intimate touch to this otherwise much more terrifying scene and well I think it serves to make things that much more terrifying with this information revealed here.
Aaand that makes for a properly chilling image to end on here. I think its a lovely progression of horror there from first establishing the scene to then moving onto the sort of backstory behind things and then to just the sheer desperation of someone simply very afraid for their life. I think on the whole it combines to make a very chilling and fairly effective prologue here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
The story line is great, But I agree with Snoink...Also, could you maybe add some spaces here and there? It make the lines run together when it's all scrunched up like that
But anyways, Great job!
Singer
I saw the whole story playing in front of my eyes while reading this, seriously this was brilliant and it makes me want to read more. I'm surely going to be looking forward to reading your next chapter...
Hey BeautifulDoom!
), so I'm kind of a nerd! Anyway, rust wouldn't actually cut you... the iron would! Rust is just a name for iron oxidation. So yep... now you know! Also, why would these tormentors of her use iron with rust? Iron with rust is easier to break, and if they really wanted to have her feel that whole helpless feeling, they're not doing a good job! It would be easier to just design the iron so that it would be sharp at the edges... more knifelife and strong! It's a good thing, really. 
Okay, so first of all, I've studied chemistry (in fact, I'm just about to get my biochemical engineering degree!
Also, and this may just be me, but when I think of people who I thought were friends of mine who betrayed me, I feel horribly ashamed that I was duped in that matter and even the thought of that person makes me physically sick. And, judging by some psychology books, t his is a fairly common reaction! With that said, she probably wouldn't desire him when he has hurt her so much. I mean, come on. She's dying! He basically killed her! Do you think she really wants him, still? My thoughts are that she would be clinging to what she actually loves instead of someone who hurt her.
As far as prologues go, if the novel is starting off with her being confined, then I think this prologue works. I've always liked a good revenge story! If it's starting off with the flashback about her betrayal... not so good! You've already given away the ending.
Anyway, just a couple ideas!
The first few lines are always key, since they're what either suck the reader in or pushes him away... This definitely succeeded in the first. You did wonderful with imagery and there were no grammatical errors to be found (which is a relief)... So the question now is, when will there be more? I'm quite curious now.
»Sam.
UHHH! Speechless....
You did an awesome job at drawing me, a reader, in and making me want more, more, more! And to top it off, I don't even have anything to add about grammar or punctuation! Now if you would only give your story a name!!!
Don't let this go, because it sounds chillingly enchanting!
well, it looks like the start of a crazy story. the writing must have been good, because i could see everything that was happening, the girl screaming, the blood on her arm. the prologue has also done it's job because i now want to read more.
overall: a good write, and i will read more if i see more up there