Skye

Here we go a'critting... Considering the last week, Ajax found it reasonable to drink two glasses of undiluted wine and smoke three cigarettes for his breakfast. The long day ahead ...

Woohoo, I'm finally reading Hourglass. From the looks of things, I'm in for some fun, eh? ;) So, without further ado... His lips pulled themselves together in a smirk as ...

Two little things: side should probably be sides , and the last line should read: for whom I had to turn off all the lights. As for the poem itself, ...

Okay, so Colleen got to this before me and basically said the same things I was going to. I love the line breaks as they are -- keep them. She ...

I've been so curious about Tov for the longest time - he always had such amusingly evasive answers in the Character Answer Threads, and he didn't disappoint in this sketch. ...

I think it's hard to do (that is, make real life experiences profound and actually meaning something to the audience), but you pull it off quite nicely. I especially loved ...

While the continuence of the word "burn" throughout the poem was pretty cool, I have to point out the third line of stanza two as being a little much. I'm ...

Cool stuff, cool stuff. I'd just check with your teacher (editor?) if it's okay that you added information about your own NaNoing experiences in at the end; I personally think ...

The First Stanza: I don't really feel that this starts off the poem with a bang. Though the images are, of course, fascinating, they're not really enough to make me ...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the key to "paragraphical poetry" (excuse my non-scientific name for it) a steady, pretty rhythm? There are several places where you achieve this ...

OOOF, indeed. This was definitely beautiful. But could I expect any less from you? Anyways... dreams twenty two thousand leages out of reach - Perhaps hyphenate like so: "twenty-two thousand". ...

Woo, very cool. I love the whole "mysterious killer virus" premise, very catchy. There are several times in the piece (mostly at the beginning, I believe) where you use the ...

Okay, so Cassandra already addressed the info-dumping issue, and I back her 100%. Letting the characters' details leak out one by one is far more satisfying for the writer than ...

I read the first couple paragraphs (prologue, right?) and practically fell out of my chair. Yeah, it was that fabulous. So, I'm finally getting started on your crit -- yes, ...

I loved it too! Especially at the beginning, when you described Avarn. He was definitely enigmatic and cool. :) I also liked Tannar, whom you characterized well (ie, staring, fiddling ...