SeraphTree

You're welcome. I was trying to be helpful:D:D:D:D:D

You need to space between paragraphs, including dialogue. As soon as you do that, I will crit :D

Please clarify. It sounds like rape/forced relationship, but we have very few details. We have NO idea what's going on. Details please. :D

Oh... I'll see what I can do :D:D:D:D:D:D

Thanks! :D:D:D:D *Seraph cheers*

I agree with Dreami. The imagery is unclear. We really need the WHY factor in here, and more details :D

No, it doesn't ruin your story :) A good example that comes to mind is The Bartimaeus trilogy, because it switches between three people in the second or third. In ...

I don't understand what you mean. Why are they writing to eachother? Or... something else? :D

Not dumb, just not creative ;) Well, you could have one of the people say "We are standing in the blablablablablablabla :smt091 -oh forget it! Just call it the white ...

Space between paragraphs please :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

You need to space between paragraphs. Then I will crit :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Raven is a guy. Uh... I'll work on that :D:D:D:D:D You'll see more later. :D:D:D

Your work wont sound 'emo' if you do it right.:D Use this piece to relieve yourself. Get it all off your chest. It probably wont make sense when you first ...

I will crit this later. Currently I am entirely too angry. [Not at you :)]

Sorry, forgot where this was. *face hand* This dawn was scarcely different, and yet this dawn clawed at Valoc's mind, the very sight of this dawn raped his soul like ...