Published December 21, 2007
The Thorn
*
She is lovely,
the thorn in my side.
She keeps me from slipping
by the wayside.
*
Through the storms of life,
We pass together
Bound with strongest amity,
At times by a tether
*
Constant ever,
That sharp little pinch.
Telling me, always,
Which way is which.
*
And yet,
With all my misery and strife,
I’ve finally noticed,
The rose by my side.
*
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
The Thorn
*
She is lovely,
the thorn in my side.
She keeps me from slipping
by the wayside.
*
Through the storms of life,
We pass together
Bound with strongest amity,
At times by a tether
*
Constant ever,
That sharp little pinch.
Telling me, always,
Which way is which.
*
And yet,
With all my misery and strife,
I’ve finally noticed,
The rose by my side. - EH! Side and stife don't rhyme and it totally throws off the poem. That sucks... GR!
*
I liked the poem, but I don't get how a thorn is helpful... did somebody shoot you with a thorn and you turned another way? I don't know. I'm not that deep
Great job!
KEEP WRITING!
very good Seraph! I wish I read this earlier, but I never saw it...
Thanks you guys!
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Very nice, well done.... one problem.. I think that this poem would have sounded 10X much better if you continued the rhyme scheme. Other than that.... great very nice.
Awesome Seraph! I love it! (Told you I'd critique some of your stuff--eventually...) I love everything about it. And, as hard as this is for me to believe, I understand the whole poem. When I was younger, I wrote so much poetry (notebooks full), that I got sick of it. Haven't read another poem since fifth grade-until now. Very cool. I love the metaphor-type things.
Oh... I'll see what I can do
:D:D:D:D:D
oh wait, there was one thing i wanted to say:
it seems like the thorn is a good thing, but then it says "all the misery and strife". that kind of confused me, because why do you have all these things that the thorn helps *her* with, and then act like it's a bad thing.
it seemed to change from the thorn being good to being bad. i know it's hard in poetry, but is there any way you could add to that to clear it up??
very good. you put the rhymes together really well, and it's a fun poem that has good meaning.
)
(and i'm not a huge fan of poetry!
Thanks!
:D:D:D *Seraph cheers*
the rythm in your poem is really good. Your poem has a lot of depth.
It was short, but that was good.
My favourite phrase in the poem!
Warm Regards,
-Elitehusky