SeraphTree

*insert Beethoven's fifth at the end there* Really good. Your story has excellent flow, and I was totally captivated the whole time. :D There were just a few things I ...

Sup, Kink. :) First off, these two paragraphs need to be made smaller. It's easy to get lost in all these words. ;) The Leon dynasty lasted for centuries - ...

Sup, Sheep. :D She pulled herself to her feet, whispering a last farewell to her deceased lover - reluctant to leave him unburied, but she had no choice - and ...

I agree with mike; the fact that you're using elves is a turn off; people use them so much, it's.. kind of sad. I think you can create your own ...

Hello DiaNe. :) My life had been completely normal until the dreadful morning of my fourteenth birthday. The high pitched beep of my alarm clock woke me and I had ...

What up, Lily. :) She tumbled to the ground like a star dropping from the sky and connected with the earth in a crumpled tangle of milky white flesh and ...

What up, mon ami. :D My hand breaks into a horrible, convulsive shudder, starting at my shoulder and racing down to my fingertips, until the leather-wrapped hilt of the sword ...

Hey, long time no crit. XD That will not do. Overall, good. There was a lot of standing around and talking though, which gets a little frustrating to read: I... ...

The only dealio I have with your piece is that the paragraphs are a little big. I suggest you make them a little smaller. :) Other than that, I agree ...

Hello, Kris. :D I'm going to give you a line by line crit. Night was falling over the badlands of Artaris, the last of the sun’s brilliance stained the land, ...

What up, Shayna. :D I slept for a few hours that day to get a little more sleep in before I had to go back to school the next day. ...

What up, Roth. :D “Oh,” suddenly there was a white-blond wolf in front of me. Perhaps off-white or cream? :) I pointed at the tub. He hopped in and rolled ...

Hey there, Shayna. :) First off, I suggest you break this into smaller paragraphs so it's easier to read. :) I suggest you build up to the skateboard accident, like... ...

How goes it, Rothwise. :) The first two paragraphs are very revealing, but they don't seem to fit in with the rest of the situation. Lex laughed and pushed hair ...

Hello, Merry. I'm going to give you a line by line crit. :D In the heavens, angels of all ages, conversed with each other about different things. How life is ...