I was happy to be home. It felt great to be in my own house, my own room, and my own bed.
I decided to sleep for a few hours so I would be well rested when going back to school.
I had been to school with something broken many times before, so I wasn’t worried about me being the main topic of gossip for long.
My mom drove me to school the next morning because she didn’t trust me behind the wheel with my cast on. I’ve already proven I can drive with a broken arm.
“Please can I drive? Why, don’t you trust me?” I asked her once we got to the car.
“Oh, I trust you alright. It’s the other drivers on the road I don’t trust.” Was her argument. I don’t know what that has to do with my broken arm, but I decided not to bring that up.
In first period biology, Savannah Lucas leaned over to talk to me. This was a little bit unusual. When I was in elementary school Savannah and I were best friends. When we hit middle school, everything changed. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I never wanted to hang out with her preppy friends. I went the other direction—making next to no friends all through school.
Anyway, I don’t know what had driven Savannah to talk to me today, but I soon found out after she said her first words to me a moment later.
“I heard about your accident. Everybody’s been talking about it. You know, you’re really…”
“Don’t say I’m lucky.” I snapped. She looked taken aback. Just because she felt driven to talk to me, didn’t necessarily mean I wanted to talk to her about my recent accident.
“Sorry,” She said with much less enthusiasm this time.
“Did anything else happen yesterday while I was gone?” I asked, trying to ease the tension. I also knew that bringing up any means of gossip would please her. Other peoples’ business was Savannah’s one true hobby.
“It’s funny you should ask that.” She said.
“Why?” I asked suspiciously.
“Well, there’s this new kid that moved in yesterday.” She said, her voice in a whisper.
“Why should that be interesting?” I asked, my voice also low.
“Everybody’s talking about him.” She said.
“So?”
“I’ll tell you about it at lunch. Then you’ll understand what I mean.” She declared. This was unusual. Not a new kid at school—this was very a common thing, actually—but Savannah talking to me. I mean, she isn’t exactly what I’d call a good friend of mine, and we don’t talk often, except once in a while in biology. I definitely never sit with her at lunch either. I usually wind up sitting alone. I suppose, will my recent accident and all, I was a topic of gossip.
But not for long, I’m sure.
* * *
Lunchtime.
I sat down warily—my tray awkwardly in both hands—at Savannah’s very crowded table.
“So, is it true you nearly got ran over by a semi?” Savannah asked, staring at me intently.
“Actually, I don’t really want to talk about that.” I said. She didn’t seem angered at all. She just nodded, as if she saw this response coming.
“You want me to tell you about the new kid.” She said with understanding. I just shrugged, as if I couldn’t care less. She started talking immediately.
“His name is Cody Ford. He moved here from California somewhere. Near Death Valley, I think. His family must keep a low profile because nobody seems to know anything about him. Although, there are some rumors that his dad is either a serial killer or someone on America’s Most Wanted, but we haven’t decided which one yet.”
“Maybe it’s both,” I said sarcastically. The student body tends to go overboard with rumors.
“Ooh! Look! There he is!” Savannah shouted. “Wait, don’t look yet! He just came in the door. Okay, he’s sitting down… oh he’s facing the other direction. Go ahead and look now.” By Savannah’s orders I turned to look at the far table where he was sitting. I couldn’t see his face, but I could tell from the way he was sitting that he was tall, and not much of a social person with many friends. He was wearing a black T-shirt and blue jeans. He turned just slightly so I could make out his profile. I could see the right half of his face clearly now. He was quite pale, and he had sort of droopy eyes as if he didn’t get much sleep. His eyes were dark brown, perhaps black. His hair was even darker. He had a dark, mysterious look on his face. What I noticed most of all was that he was extremely good looking in an odd sort of way. He was the center of all gossip. He was mysterious, an outcast, and alone.
“Wow, he’s… not what I expected.” I said casually.
“Yeah,” Savannah said, suddenly interested in the nutrition facts on her milk carton.
“What is it?” I asked, wondering about her strange behavior.
“He’s very anti-social.”
“He’s new.”
“It doesn’t matter. Loads of people have tried to go up to him and talk to him, but he just ignores them.”
“Oh,” In my mind, I was talking to him, having a great conversation, and becoming good friends. This daydream was popped like a bubble in seconds flat. I tried to hide my disappointment.
“Did you try talking to him?” I asked Savannah. She looked crestfallen.
“Well, yes, but you can’t blame me! Even if he is a little strange… he’s still what I’d call gorgeous. Oh come on, Mallory, you can’t tell me you didn’t notice.”
“So he just ignored you?” I asked. She nodded.
“He didn’t even look at me. He just pretended nobody had said anything to him. I wasn’t the only one. A lot of people try talking to him, but he hasn’t said a single word to anyone.” She explained. I made another quick glance in Cody’s direction then swiftly got out of my seat before the bell even rang.
* * *
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What up, Shayna.
The way you have your characters act and react to eachother feels realistic. The only thing that gets me is that there are some lack of details and description, so it makes the piece feel a little rushed, and a little confusing to read. Easily fixable.
But yes, keep writing!
I really enjoy your work and your style.
If you need anything, feel free to PM me. ***I^o^I***
I slept for a few hours that day to get a little more sleep in before I had to go back to school the next day.
I think a little rewording here would be good; I think it could flow better.
“Oh, I trust you alright. It’s the other drivers on the road I don’t trust.” Was her argument. I don’t know what that has to do with my broken arm, but I decided not to bring that up.
I like how you brought out this side of her mom. I'm not exactly sure why. It just makes her sound more realistic.
In first period biology, Savannah Lucas leaned over to talk to me.
I suggest you make this into a paragraph; do people give her weird looks? What is she thinking right now?
“Did anything else happen yesterday while I was gone?” I asked, trying to ease the tension. I also knew that bringing up any means of gossip would please her. Other peoples’ business was Savannah’s one true hobby.
I like this, it really brings out both of their characters; only, why is Mal talking to Savannah if they're not really friends? Just something I noticed.
I sat down warily—my tray awkwardly in both hands—at a very crowded table next to Savannah.
Nice imagery, though I think it needs to be reworded a little.
“Maybe it’s both,” I said sarcastically. The student body tends to go overboard with rumors.
This cracks me up. XDXD
Ooh! Look! There he is!” Savannah shouted. “Wait, don’t look yet! He just came in the door. Okay, he’s sitting down… oh he’s facing the other direction. Go ahead and look now.”
This also cracked me up. XDXDXD You can make this piece of dialogue it's own paragraph.
“Oh,” In my mind, I was talking to him, having a great conversation, and becoming good friends. This daydream was popped like a bubble in seconds flat. I tried to hide my disappointment.
I thought this was pretty good.
“Did you try talking to him?” I asked Savannah. She looked ashamed.
I think 'crestfallen' or something like that would be better; 'ashamed' implies she did something wrong.
Well, I must say, I really like your piece.
*Seraph*