-
Re: Fox on the Plain
Things are a little confusing, mostly because there aren't enough details. Why would lyle hate man so much, when he was a man himself? Is the fox a symbol of ...
Oct 3, 2007 -
Re: The object in your world
Interesting..... my first thought is the moon but that's not exactly a normal object..... :D You should probably put this in the poetry section :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Oct 1, 2007 -
Re: Firebrand: Chapter 1, Part 1 and 2
I really liked your work. I can't think of any mistakes, except maybe the teacher was a little too... unrealistic. I liked what you did with her though. This story ...
Sep 29, 2007 -
Re: Under the Mountain-Chapter 1, Section 2
Ah...... green is a lovely color....... ^-^v Yes, well, there were a couple of things I noticed. First, things are moving a bit to fast, and in the beginning it's ...
Sep 29, 2007 -
Re: Secrets Of The Goblin King Chapter one
Okay. First, you need to slow down. So many things are happening, and so many people are introduced that it gets really confusing. These "friends" that Evan has, don't seem ...
Sep 29, 2007 -
Re: Section #1
I like your imagery. Your first sentence really grabbed my attention and made me want to keep reading. With the father and son, I got two things running in my ...
Sep 27, 2007 -
Re: A Human Reflection
The language you used is very beautiful, especially with the part when he is dancing. Also, writing in 2nd person is unique. ^-^ There's a bit of conflict with the ...
Sep 26, 2007 -
Re: Colouring Felix
Your story is interesting, but there are a few things that are confusing. First, his owner says something about a makeover. Is she talking about herself or Felix? It's a ...
Sep 26, 2007 -
Re: Excerpt from Tears of Lecraesa- impressions?
Hmmmmmm........ here's a random idea: Strick whirred around, gazing at the reflections of himself in the mirrors. There was Lusie, pressing herself against the glass, her violet eyes hopeful. There ...
Jun 20, 2007 -
Re: A Prologue of sorts?
I really like your story so far. Gripping towards the end, though a little unclear. You should probably use a different spelling for ‘Dagron,’ because I first thought it said ...
Jun 14, 2007 -
Re: The Legend of Zelda: The Mask of Truth
What I would suggest, Zaw, is to describe the setting a little more. Also, when does this all happen? Is it the same day, or is it over the course ...
Jun 14, 2007 -
Re: chapter 1 to my book {still a draft}
Your story sounds pretty good so far. It's a little unclear at the end- who is the story about? Are you switching points of view? :D I suggest drawing out ...
Jun 7, 2007