Young Writers Society

this is chapter one of my novel and i need crits!! hope you enjoy!

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CHAPTER ONE

“Hey, Evan, wait up!”

Evan looked over her shoulder. Colleen, her best friend and science lab partner, weaved through the crowded hallways of Cobourg Centennial Public School. Breathless, she caught up with Evan.

“Hey, I’ve been looking all over for you. Where’ve you been?”

Evan frowned. “I’ve been around.” Colleen’s face fell.

“Oh, okay. Well, I was just going to ask if you wanted to work on our science project tonight.”

Oops. Science. Evan had totally forgotten about the project. She adjusted her backpack. No way did she want to work on homework tonight after what had happened today. “Sorry, my parents are, um, going out tonight, and I can’t.” Even to Evan’s own ears the excuse sounded lame.

Colleen gave her a hurt look that turned into suspicion. “I thought this was your parents “CSI Miami” night?”

“Yeah, well, I don’t know. They’re going out. I have to stay home.”

Colleen really looked suspicious now and maybe a little angry. “Fine. It’s obvious you’re in one of your moods again. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She strode off to find someone else to walk home with.

Evan once again started to make her way to the front doors. She tried to forget running into Colleen. But the hurt look Colleen gave her was stopping her from forgetting anything.

When she is in one of her moods, Evan didn’t care about anybody or anything. Sometimes she didn’t even care about other people’s feelings.

She looked up from watching the floor. Then she saw her. Cory Oakley. Cory is the reason for Evan’s mood swings. Cory is the “Queen Bee” of her grade 8 class. In a way Evan envied Cory and hated her at the same time. She envied the way her brown hair shone in the sun and the way her sun kissed skin glowed. She hated her because Cory was the one responsible for putting her in these mood swings. One other reason she despised Cory is that she thought she was all that (when she really wasn’t). Cory just loves the attention. Today she blamed Evan for putting white out all over her binder. That landed Evan a detention with the janitor. He put her to work sweeping the halls at break. It wasn’t that bad considering that she didn’t have to go outside and put up with Cory’s taunting. Ever since kindergarten Cory has been pushing her around. You think she would stop after a while but stopping to Cory is like pulling teeth. Evan tried to avoid being seen by Cory so she could go home in peace. She also hoped she wouldn’t run into any more of her friends. Evan considered going out the doors at the lobby but Mr. McClain was there talking to one of the parents and he wouldn’t allow any student of his to go through the doors. Stupid school policy! She thought. Now her only way out was the hall doors where Cory is standing with her friends. The front hall doors are a very bad place to exit the school especially if you one of Cory’s victims. She finally reached the doors when Cory stepped in her path.

“Soooo. Evan, how are you?”

Just say nothing, don’t get mad and do not show you’re intimidated. “Nothing Cory.”

“Am I in your way?”

Anger started to bubble up inside her. She tried not to get mad. She tried not to show it but she couldn’t help it. “ Yes, you are Cory.”

Cory’s face broke out into her sly smile. That particular smile meant she was going to do something mean. Very mean.

“Hey Evan!”

Thank the saints. Ricky was sorting through the crowd toward her.

“Evan! I um…need to get you for Ms. Newberry. She wants to give you um… the thing you asked for this morning.” She said breathlessly.

“Oh…oh ya! I forgot.” Evan replied playing along. “Thanks for reminding me. I’ll go right away.”

Evan and Ricky darted toward the classroom.

“ Thanks for saving me from another mood swing!”

“Hey I’m just doing my job.”

What ever that means. Evan thought puzzled by Ricky’s response.

“What’s bugging you today?”

Evan thought, well for starters Cory’s is being a snob. She got me a detention. She also blocked my way out the door. That’s where you came in and saved me from another ear load from Cory. That’s why I am very moody so don’t push your luck. But Evan replied “Nothing. I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

“Okay… I just wanted to help. Sorry I even tried. Jeez. See you tomorrow.”

Ricky shrugged and rolled her eyes, then walked off to join her sister for the walk home.

Evan waited until Cory had left her spot by the doors before she made her exit.

***

Evan could see her house from where she stood a block and a half away. The house is her mother’s pride, 29 Brooklyn Dr. When Evan was a little girl she thought her house was a castle and always would pretend she was a princess, waiting for her prince in shining armour to come and sweep her off her feet. Now Evan thinks she was silly to ever imagine something foolish like that. Now her home is just a place providing a roof over her head, warmth in the winter and a family to come home to. That very thought warmed her heart.

“I’m home!” Evan yelled as she walked through the door. She toed off her boots and set them on the boot matt. Opened up the coat closet and hung her coat. She then grabbed her backpack and headed into the kitchen were the smell of apple crisp met her nose.

“How was your day today honey?”

“Good.” Evan said without emotion.

“You don’t sound very enthused.”

“Is that a good or bad thing?” Evan asked getting frustrated with her mother for not letting up with the questioning.

“Well I think it’s a bad thing considering you’re my daughter and you’re not telling me what’s wrong.” Her mom looked hurt.

Great that’s two people today that I’ve hurt their feelings. “Look mom, what if there is nothing wrong and I just don’t want to even talk about it if there is something wrong!” Evan snapped.

“Evangeline, honey I don’t want to fight with you. I want to help you with your problems. The last thing I want you to do is keep what ever is bugging you… well inside. I just figured it’s easier to talk to somebody about your problems. I love you too much to see you hurt like this. And that’s the darned truth,” her mom smiled.

“ I love you too mom. It’s just I thought I could fight my own battles without help. Now I guess I know I can’t. Mom I need help in the worst way. I mean Cory…”

“Ahh. It’s Cory is it?”

“Ya. She being a snob and really pushing me around now. She managed to get me a detention. I hate Cory!”

“ Now honey, hate is a very strong word…”

“ I know and I truly mean it I do I really do!!”

“ Sweet heart, I’ll let you cool down a bit before we talk again. Okay?”

“ Okay. Love you.”

Evan walked out of the kitchen and started up the winding staircase. Down the hall her room is the one on the right opposite the bathroom. Her room is a bit bigger then her mom and dad’s room. Her room has a deck above the roof of the garage. Evan’s room was the colour of the sky when it wasn’t stormy. She had a single bed that had a canopy. She has a double-hung window with curtains. The curtains have flowers that have smiley faces on them. Her shelves are filled with knick-knacks and pictures of her friends and family. Evan collects china dolls and things from every province and country that she has been to. To her this room was her space where nobody bugs or taunts her. She can live in peace. Her room is the only place she feels safe in.

Her other favorite place in the world is the woods out back. There she can imagine and dream up plots for her stories that she writes. Evan loves to write fantasy. She loves to write about fairies and all of the other realm creatures. Sometimes she wishes that there were really fairies in the world. Maybe then they could help her with her problems with Cory. After Evan put away work that had been finished in her schoolwork drawer, she went down stairs to the kitchen again to empty out her lunch pail and wash her dishes. After she finished drying her dishes she went down to the living room to watch Fear Factor before CSI. But before she had a chance to see the rest of her show her dad came in from work.

Evan’s Dad worked as a lawyer. Her dad was very popular among the lawmakers and other lawyers. He was chosen the most because he was really good at his job.

“ Daddy!!!”

“Hey sweetheart! How are you?”

“Good! How did work go?”

“Very good.”

“ Was he innocent?”

“ Yes he was innocent. I don’t know how you got it.”

“ What you have to do is read very carefully. Then you have to…”

“ Supper!” came her mother’s voice from the kitchen.

“ How about you explain it to me after dinner so your Mom doesn’t find out that I’ve once again given you information about a case that I’m not supposed to tell anybody about. Okay?”

“Okay.”

At the dinner table her mom asked her dad how court went. Evan’s dad replied saying that it went very well and that his client was innocent. Evan was so bored that she didn’t hear her dad ask her a question.

“Evangeline? Are you listing to me?”

“What? Pardon, I’m sorry dad I wasn’t listing to you.”

“That’s alright. I was asking why you let Cory get under you skin so much?”

“Well I don’t dad it’s just that she bugs me to no end and all I want to do is give her a whack but I know that’s very improper.”

“That’s my girl! I think Cory needs to be put in her place but like you said it would be very improper to hit her, but I encourage it,” her father replied ignoring her mother’s glare.

“Gord! You Know I don’t approve of it!” Her mother scolded.

“ I know that but…”

“ May I be excused?” Evan asked before her parents started to fight.

“ Yes you may.” Both parents answered.

Evan cleared her place at the table and headed down the front hall. “I’ll be out in the woods if you need me. I’ll be back,” Evan yelled loud enough for her parents to hear her. She grabbed her coat and headed out the door.

For a November night it was fairly warm. Light poured through the kitchen windows and on to the frozen ground where there used to be soft green grass before the chill set in. She followed a worn path from the house to the woods. The sun hadn’t set yet but she brought a flashlight just in case. Evan’s parents didn’t approve of her being out in the woods at night because they feared the dangers. She has told them time and time again that there is nothing to be afraid of. But they still insisted for her to be back by dark. As she neared the bush she thought she could to hear some laughter. She assumed that she was hearing things. As she went deeper into the woods she could hear it more clearly. Evan started to look more closely at things she knew couldn’t laugh. She had images of a tree with a face that looked old and felt rough at the touch but that would be foolish… more so, it would be unimaginable. She heard the laughter again. Evan concentrated more on the laugh itself then where she was going. In fact she almost slipped into the creek if she hadn’t stubbed her toe on a rock. “Owwww!” Evan yelped

She heard the laughter again but it was much louder. Is the laughter coming from my right? Or is it my left? She didn’t know. Evan started toward a bush that had lost all its leaves getting ready for the first snow. She pulled out her flashlight. She turned it on. She shone it toward the bush. Nothing. She turned to go. Something sparkled in the light. Wait a minute. She turned back. Then she saw it. Evan could see the terror reflect in its eyes. It stood perfectly still. It didn’t even twitch at the bright light shining in its eyes. It looked as if it hadn’t eaten in days. Evan thought it must have been starving. She moved toward it in little steps hoping not to scare it. She placed the flash light in her other hand keeping the beam on it hoping to keep it in her sight. Evan reached out her right hand. It still didn’t move. The tiny eyes watched her hand come closer and closer. Evan could feel the warm breath of the creature on her hand. And with a blink of an eye the creature stabbed her finger and flew away at lightning speed. “Owwww!” Evan howled.

That little creature is going to pay for that, she thought angrily as she sucked on her finger to make it stop bleeding. It only seemed like a pinprick so she hoped her parents wouldn’t find out that she was hurt. It was starting to get dark so she started to trudge back to the house. Evan scolded herself for thinking that maybe she could take the creature home and hope it would be friends with her. She could only hope she didn’t scare it to death.