Sapphire

I'm sorry, this is going to be a useless critique but I figured you'd like the compliment anyway - I loved this. The voice was great and the poem was ...

Hiya! OK, the topic is one that is exhausted by writers everywhere but, of course, that doesn't mean that you can't have your own version. For the most part you ...

Hey, I've changed the structure a little to give you ideas on how to set it out so it would be easier to read, and added some thoughts in bold. ...

The whole song is really beautiful but as most people have already said, your first stanza is particularly good. As robyns37 said, the poetic quality of the song is one ...

Hiya! For me, at least, there seemed no point in attempting to find points you can improve on because I read it through the first time and didn't feel any ...

Hi, I'll start by picking out typos and other little things like that. :lol: - The first semi-colon. I'm not sure this punctuation is right. - 'you can't bear to' ...

Wow, great! A couple of points: - 'His battle cry translates crushed ice/into cold water'. I'm not sure 'translates' really works. It doesn't convey the ferocity enough, it's a little... ...

I loved these lyrics! Going to agree with chocoholic again about 'Even moving mountains' - it disturbs the first verse a little. In the second verse I think 'And why ...

** Someone to shoot the stars with me Tell me what you want kid, I’ll empty my pockets, it’s true! Ever since you made life worth living, I’ve pledged my ...

Hi, I don't like to see work go without a response so I'm going to leave my thoughts. :) I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but some ...

I'll going to make some punctuation suggestions that you can, of course, ignore if you like. :) I'll also point out specific sections I think you can improve on. On ...

I am very bad at the guitar so unfortunately can't try it out with the chords but the lyrics are great. The refrain and chorus are good but perhaps the ...

With good music, I can easily imagine these lyrics on the radio. I love what you've written but I'm with chocoholic on the chorus suggestion - it's needs at least ...

I actually really like the 'Why not go to Hell?' verse, because of the reference to what is quite a philosophical question in the books. 'They lost sight of me ...

Extra picky point - you use commas quite a lot. Perhaps you could read through again and decide if you really need them in places? Then again, it might have ...