Ryter

Still pretty good. Just a thought though; not much description in the way of scenery. You focus on what's occuring, and while you're doing that we create our own idea ...

Awesome. Really awesome. Almost every story I've ever read with more than one planet ends up a fluke, mistake, and not worth flushing. This... this works. This really works. On ...

Spooky. Nice french, though. She knew several other languages, and could speak them fluently, including this one, which was French. From what I've seen, a sentence with three or more ...

I kinda agree with Vernon on this one. Info-dumping is present, and its not pleasant. Take care to introduce details naturally, rather than putting it in inbetween a conversation. At ...

I agree with the previous replies. It seems like an incomplete idea. So little happens in it, that I almost assumed you pressed the "Submit" button a little early on ...

You've done a good job of keeping the end in mind. (101 Writing Tips on front page of YWS!) But you've driven that tip into the ground. Keep in mind ...

You've done a pretty good job so far. The dialog doesn't quite seem natural to me, but for all I know this could be set in the kind of future ...

Great job, overall. Just a few things: He was a tall, wiry man with golden, blonde hair and his name was Samuel Thomas. This line's just a little awkward. Mainly ...