RoxanneR

This is all pretty confusing! I'm not saying it's bad, just that it doesn't really make sense. But I'm sure with a bit of editing and some more critiques it ...

There needs to be more paragraph-definition in this story, and although you have tried to put some of the words onto new lines, it's still a bit confusing. Try double-spacing ...

Yeh, I agree with everyone. There are a few grammer errors, and some of the text is more passive that I think you want it to be. But with a ...

Thanks for all that help. Lots of people have said that they don't think that male lions look after their cubs. Do you think I could change the animal, to ...

Wow! That was very heartfelt. And the ending was beautiful! Like PandorasWritings said, it doesn't really sound like lyrics for a song, but it could be a poem, as any ...

That was fun reading! RR*

Funny! But a bit wierd at the same time. How did you end up thinking of this? RR*

Strange, and wierd, but very clever at the same time. Well done! RR*

I need more! And QUICKLY! RR*

It's soooooo romantic! I want more! Is there any chance you can contine it? RR*

This is just like the ypical teenage girl's diary...with a few added tweaks. I like it. Grammer is a bit of an issue, but apart from that, this could be ...

I didn't get that bit either, when I read it for the first time, but now I understand it. Thanks RR*

Thanks for that, Sureal. Yeh, we don't want to give too much away, considering it is just the prologue, but if you think it needs more description... RR*

Yes, this is just the first chapter, and I wanted to see if there is any way that I could change it for the better, and make it more appealing. ...

No, I didn't either, but with a few more adjustments you could get that feeling just right. RR*