Robin

When I started reading this I wasn't too sure if I liked the dialect. In the first sentence especially. But as I read on I got used to it. All ...

Pretty good. Reminds me a lot of those survivor movies like... 28 Days Later. Even though the dead aren't infected and still "living". I loved the description in this. But ...

She soars through the sky with feathers whiter than the clouds, the last of a nights rain sparkling on her wings , and the early morning sun showering her in ...

An annoying buzz penetrated the peaceful dream of Zima Yuzuki, but then he realized it was his cell phone. The last half of this sentence is a little awkward. There ...

I stared out the chambers window contemplating what I had just heard, watching the sun paint the sky a ravishing red-gold, as the guard went on babbling the non-sense he ...

Nice use of description. I liked the character's overall voice in this it gave a lot of info without being too blunt or bland. The ending of this section was ...

Yeaahh I hate to point out the spelling errors. But do you have spell check? There's that option at the bottom of the post that says it if you don't ...

I didn't really like this sentence: The hot Summer day had turned us into popsicles - two frozen treats sitting side by side, excreting sticky perspiration in way that only ...

When a new speaker is talking start a new paragraph. You have a lot of dialogue mixed in between text. Just noticed I already reviewed your other story. But yeah, ...

I actually think this whole thing would be better as a first chapter... I mean if you are going to pick up right where you left off in the "prologue". ...

I agree that there should be a little bit more info or maybe just something about the characters, because it dives right into the story without saying much about them. ...

With the prologue there's a lot of telling and not much showing. You do it rather bluntly too. e.g.: It was then that I found my dad was an alcoholic ...

The first reviewer for this seemed to have pointed out the issues. So I'll just say a few things. I love the first three lines of this, it sounds like ...

You have the dialogue down, or it's at least what I'd think it'd sound like during those years. The overall voice is pretty impressive as well. This sentence was a ...

I like how rawly written this is. It's pretty honest and to the point. I didn't see much wrong with it. Just one part you forgot to capitalize Rook and ...