Rincewind

I'm going to correct your corrections. In case Yoshi is changing anythgin according to what you suggested. "The war began the Humans one therefore starting the time of Humanity." - ...

This is really good. I like the scene changes, its got good pacing and flow, and keeps you interested. Its sort of like a soap opera. Your dialogue is awesome ...

"Emily favourite light, flowing materials that dancing in the wind." - I think it should be, "Emily favoured light flowing materials that danced in the wind." it's --mosquitoes. "But pants ...

I have a couple suggestions. "He was a tall man, but broad." - being broad isn't conflicting to being tall. I am not sure if "but" is the proper word ...

Crysi hit the grammar nail on the head. And I really don thave any idea whats going on. I am curious why you are posting excpertps of the chapters instead ...

I think it's a pretty cool story. Overthrowing the government is just crippling it and taking away its power. The children would need to expose the evil plan the government ...

Yaya, that was pretty funny man. And I think that this does have meaning, I think what Snoink is thinking of is satire. He made the title the book of ...

I wish I got to skip school on my birthday! That chapter was good, but I think the forshadowing was a tad bit too excessive. It's guaranteed she's going to ...

Yeah, I'm quite confused by the message being put forth here. All in all its a pretty cool little thing, and at points I was extremely happy to see things ...

I concur with all above statements, but I think the final suggestion can be stressed somewhat. In my humble opinion, when it comes to descriptions, either they shoudl all be ...