Rei

pweez comment :(

That falls under the category of not ready to put down on paper. I've kept my own journal, and read a lot of journal novels. So I do know that ...

Thanks, yoyo, Any suggestions on how I could make it less bland?

I agree with the previous comment about the last line. Saying you're off to pass it makes it a little more optomistic than it should me, I think.

I think what you need here is to be a lot more visual. The first stanza is great. Try to do the same thing with the rest of the poem.

You've got some beautiful narrative here. However, I have to agree with KJ about it being unclear. It was so vague, it's very hard to tell exactly what's going on.

Starting and ending it with the same two lines is really the only thing that really is poetic about this. It feels way too prosy. I'm with Incan and bob ...

You're not going to get kicked off by trying to protect yourself. The only two reasons I know of for someone getting banned was large amounts of spanning (which this ...

I'd love to see what you come up with when you're not bored. I'm sorry, but torturing puppies. . . not good material for poetry in my opinion.

Very nice, and I liked the way you ended it. Not what I expected, and made me enjoy it a whole lot more. I do have one nitpick, though: "as ...

That ending was just plain silly. But oddly appropriate. I got a very clear picture of what was going on and the people around the campfire. It had perfect pace ...

Woah, you really gotta reformat this. Break up the lines so we can see the rhythm in it. Otherwise, it's just a jumbled mess.

You're supposed to post reviews before you post your own work.

That was just the giggle I needed, yoyo!

You've got a nice descriptive style. I can't really comment further since this is a random bit in the middle of the story. Try posting it from the beginning, maybe ...