QiGuaiGongFu

You ask the reading audience a question, as though you were talking to yourself. The "do they" qualifier isn't really necesary, and there are better ways of describing your uncertainty ...

You have a great start here- but some of your descriptions leave a little to be desired. The first few paragraphs almost seem cliche. While you touch on a good ...

You really need to use commas and semicolons. They are your friends. Read this out loud, and where you break, insert the apropriate punctuation. Commas are generally where people take ...

The speach in this was better than I've seen on this site before. It did well to convey the message without using superfolous post text. However, I didn't like the ...

Theres something about this- it doesn't seem to convey one direct thought, rather, a series of thoughts that have been put together narratively to try to form one thought. The ...

The Boom Boom Room operated on strict premises. It had to. It had no known security (meaning even if it did, it won't be mentioned) and only one bouncer, Jordan. ...

"What is the meaning of life?" "Ah, yes," I say wisely. "Well, what is it then?" "How should I know? I'm not done with it." I amble off whistling. I ...

This is an excellent stroy, but you've fallen ill to the same virus that plagues many young writers. This reads like a journal entry. This happened, then this happened, then ...

This was a little hard to understand. I didn't really see a main plot line, aside from the fact that he wanted a cigarette. It was hard to understand the ...

This isn't really a short story. It reads like a journal entry. I think you have some good building blocks here, but as it is, it reads like someone talking, ...

This has a good rythm, and I can almost sense a beat here, but I had trouble understanding the point to it. I feel the last line could use a ...

This has the potential to become very interesting. Right now though, it is overwhelmed with poor gramatical choices. The first sentence "The night was cold and foggy" Is terribly cliche, ...

While this stayed very true to the topic at hand, the action is broken up so sparsely. I felt like you needed a longer paragraph or something, just to keep ...

This isn't bad. There tends to be an excessive ammount of descriptiveness. Your telling us things that we either already know, can conjecture on our own, or don't need to ...

The little snippits of text here feel more like diologue out of a monologue than anything else. I really like the second bit. These would work very well as parts ...