Prosithion

Here's my crit for chapter 1: For a moment, he considered the hailstone again. "Tanner." should be a comma after again. same here: She averted her gaze."I know... comma after ...

good first poem, but it's a bit... lumpy with the rhythm. Try evening it out a bit. I think that it will make it smoother. Other then that, I thought ...

thank you, I'm working on the ending rihgt now, as we speak... well, write.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I thank all of you for the wonderful crits you've given me

Snionk, And next... gah. We get the point. We don't need ten paragraphs all about his routine. We, as the smart readers, get it. He's lonely and he has a ...

um, might be my mistake here, but as I understand it a corporal is an NCO--a non-commissioned officer, and a lieutenatn is an officer, and it is rather...erm, difficult for ...

unfortunately, I haven't written that much poetry. I tend to keep to sci-fi.

WHY thankyou! I really didn't expect this many crits. WOW!!!! :D

WOW, thanks for the crit. Maybe you're right. Making this chapter into a prolouge or something might do the trick. Thanks so much. :)

Thanks. ^_^ I could always use crits. hehe... thanks again.

thanks for the crit. ^_~

k, thanks. ^_^

Thanks, guys. I'm glad you liked it.

K. I'll see what I can do.

^_^