Periwinkle

I. Nitpicks I sat on the couch in his bedroom, looking up to the clouds passing by through the sky-light window . They seemed to me moving so fast, just ...

I. Nitpicks "There is a place called Wiich Valley and that is your real home. This place is not where you belong. Haven't you realized how no one understands you? ...

I. Nit-picks Lena opened her eyes slowly and found herself staring at her carpeted floor. With a surprised yelp she fell to floor. "Ow," Lena groaned, rubbing her head. She ...

Overall Impression This was a very creepy story. After reading it I hate that, "Um...what just happened?" effect. I think it was nice. I don't really have anything to nit-pick ...

I. NITPICKS Guilt gnaws inside of me, but I hold it at bay. Guilt from stopping a girl from certain torture had she taken the lad. The thoughts of Vinnie ...

I stepped out of my log cabin with my knapsack slung from my shoulder. I took in a deep breath. The mountain's cool, fresh air rushed through my nose and ...

I heard my father’s voice before he emerged from the bedroom. Going to Chris’ house was looking like heaven right about then. This doesn't sound right. You should change the ...

Hello! I'm going to review your work today. The first thing I noticed is the way you spelled "Eboney" I don't know if that's intentional, but it's traditionally spelled "Ebony." ...

Standing upright; hands extended upwards, presenting her leafy blessing to the heavens. Hm...I'm not really so nice in the grammar department but I believe your semi-colon would best be a ...

Hmm...the only thing I noticed is "especially since Daniel is gone" we know the pain is coming from that fact so you should just take it out... You had a ...

Hello. Hmm...I wonder why no one hasn't critiqued this?: smt064 I only noticed two things actually. He would place a kiss on my forehead, then creep back out, putting his ...

Black umbrellas caressed the air as Daniel was lowered into the ground. The rain that hadn't fallen in weeks, poured down heavily. It was as if God felt my pain. ...

Lily of my heart Part 1: Secret Admirers I stare at him through the corner of my eye. Even though Science is the lamest class in school, he's listening intently ...

Hello, there...I'm here to crit! You should break up the first paragraph a bit so it doesn't look like a block of words. I'll point out a few things you ...

Bump, bump, bump! Haha..I'm reviving old boards, but I want to crit so here you go. Your writing style has changed so much but I guess age does that. :D ...