Ofour

"Lieutenant Liam Forester was running through a vast forest in an camouflaged army combat suit, wearing a bullet-proof helmet and armed with an SA 80 Individual Assault Rifle." - a ...

"I wish this day had come sooner,But the more I wanted this day to come the slower it came." - Space between the comma and "but" and no capital letter. ...

I won't bother with the main story because it's already been covered: "im am starting a story called Beyond. This is the prolouge." - should be "I'm starting a story ...

"and after a moment of self debate" - I think it should be "self-debating" "The strange machines had disappeared, and the fine wood paneling replaced with bare cement walls." - ...

Again, you say not to but I will: "Is the hardest thing ive ever done" - come on, "I've" "Your buried in the soil" - "You're" "I know you loved ...

You said not to but I might as well: "A waiting a great fall" - should be "awaiting" "Like a unfinished thesis" - "an" unfinished thesis "Like a director working ...

This was basically written in my own desperation from a traumatic experience on the school bus. It was the same thing every day, "You talk too much,""Get a life.""Try using ...

Floaty. I liked it but the long lines were a bit odd, maybe split them up. When starting a new stanza use a capital letter, also use them at the ...

I feel that Harry Potter is a very good at being a plain book, nothing more. You can read it, its enjoyable and takes no mental effort. However, the extra ...

"They didn’t know precisely where it was, how and why they were taken in, and who the other prisoners were." Should be "or" instead of second "and". "any dozing off ...

Well, I think its more each to his own. Also, it's a bit harsh to exlude people without money problems (not that I don't have money problems). I don't think ...

"uneducated face with its half-open mouth and wan eyes; and a voice to match" I don't think there should be a colon there, a comma instead. "It seeped into Damien’s ...

I'd like it better if it had a fixed number of syllables per line, or perhaps a less random arrangement. Perhaps you could make the rhyming more concrete, "question" and ...

It was brilliant, very enjoyable. Kind of in the style of Underworld, if you've seen it. Your use "darkest" twice in a row which was a bit awkward but apart ...

You repeat bird, song, heavy, breaking, white, uncaring, moon, sorrow, white (again), uncaring (again) and moon (again). Buy a thesaurus and "perpetuable" is not a word, try "perpetual". Apart from ...