Ofour

"What we lost. What we almost were." - Comma, not full stop in the middle. "Think of me, How I used to be. Think of us, How we used to ...

"Jonathon’s McLaren F1" - Would a doctor have this car? "She was aware her phone was ringing again. She was aware a siren was blaring behind her." - I'd put ...

"restraining air to flow." - sounds clumsy to me. "Carpe Diem trough encouraged abstractness," - do you mean "through". "air shall seek its way trough generosity." - "through"? K, this ...

OK.. that was strange. There was no plot, no character development, no description, no anything. I didn't find it funny really because there wasn't much there. Why is this in ...

They're alright but... He always somehow manages to miraculously survive. He always saves the world in just the nickiest of nicks of time. Child versions of James Bond aren't very ...

" It was my first day in a new school…, again." - I wouldn't put the comma. "I was kind of skeptical." - "Sceptical". "My dad has a problem staying ...

" One light dared to break the complete blackness that was the Hampton house at 1am." - "complete blackness" doesn't sound right to me, I would have put "darkness" instead. ...

"I pouted my lips and slid more gloss over them." - "slid" sounds odd to me. "It was far too long, especially if I wanted to get a guy." - ...

"Deader than I could ever be" - "Deader"? "Thou no crime has been committed" - "Thou" should be "Though". "Can’t ever escape" - That sounds ugly. You don't use any ...

"It’s not that I don’t care...it’s just that I don’t care." - lol. "wave goodbye so innocent" - I don't know why but I think "innocently" sounds better. "Vice and ...

Whoa, this was very emotional, but good. Your theme is brilliant and addresses racism well. I like your style, the poem feels alert and very active. I really enjoyed this, ...

You have quite a lot of "i"'s that should be "I"'s. Also, I think a few more full stops were needed. The rhyme was quite nice, and didn't seem contrived ...

"It sounds quiet – it isn’t" - full stop after "isn't". "It’s walls are stained with hundreds of silent screams" - no apostrophe in "it's". "an imprint their owner’s have ...

"the suns stealing a peak" - this makes sense but sounds odd. "over walking hills," - brilliant metaphor. "under a full moon. and a screech from the clouds filled" - ...

"where they used to lie dorment." - "dormant" "Eventualy they will consume me," - "eventually" "So this ocean that once was raged with passion," - I think that the "was" ...