Nate

This is pretty good, but there's a couple things you can work on. First is some of the dialogue. This seems like a fantasy story, so reading this was very ...

This is actually pretty good. You have a natural writing style that flows well and it's a shame not more people have read this. What I like about this is ...

I think what you have here is a good beginning. You've obviously taken care with this, and it does show polish. However, there are some things to work on. For ...

This is an interesting chapter, but it's unpolished. I hate to point out grammatical errors, but there were some that could have been caught just by running spell-check such as: ...

I think the opening to this story is great. The first line is particularly vivid, and it serves as a great jumping off point for the reader to delve into ...

Nate, you're cool and everything, This is a good first line; I like how it leaves the reader hanging at the very end. It draws the reader in as now ...

First, avoid making the names of the main characters too similar! 'James' and 'Jamie' can get very confusing very quickly for the reader, although one does adapt soon enough. I'd ...

As a character description for a roleplaying game, it's certainly much better than most. However, even as a character description, it's a bid odd. Part of the problem is that ...

I liked how you use one story to tell another story; about the build-up of the innocence of childhood and then how it was all ruined one day. Without the ...

Heh, I found this to be pretty humorous. I liked the different stanzas of what you could be doing, all of which sound endlessly more pleasant than being trapped by ...

The title is awesome. Don't ever change the title. Like everyone else, I really enjoyed reading this. I liked the different points of view (especially the ones from the stuffed ...

I like these. It's a lot different from the typical poetry in that you're describing an imaginary figure, and that's a refreshing change of pace. I agree with a lot ...

It's a good poem, but parts of it are awkward. For example "Full sunshine smile" feels very out of place in terms of meter. I think it would be better ...

Heh, I liked this. It's quite unusual in that the main character dies at the end, which is somewhat of a refreshing change. I like how you took the typical ...

This somewhat reminds me of Louis L'Amour, a Western author. If you like Western themes and you haven't read L'Amour, I really suggest him. As Daydreamer stated, this has a ...