Myth

I totally LOVE the Bartimaeus Trilogy!!! Deffinately on my top ten list. For anyone who cares, Bartimaeus himself provided a great deal of the inspiration for Tannar's charactor (Myth, go ...

Green = Comment/Correction Black = Review * In case you missed my TSR critique: It was a sunny day in New York. The white paved streets snaked through the city, ...

Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Indigo = Quote Black = Review * Here we go: The signal flashed brightly in the dark night. The primitive code rang out through ...

Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * He sat down at his desk and flicked on the computer and pulled out the quantity of notebooks that he ...

If you want to make this a little believable make sure you add things like how Carla got there and describe what the place looks like—not too much detail but ...

I'll echo MH. To draw your reader in show why this girl would want to run away and how she gets out, she can't simply go out of the door ...

Green = Comment/Correction Black = Review * Prologue "Would you dare to dream in a world built of dreams?" I like that but there is no need for the prologue. ...

Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * Something happened before this scene and I don't know what to think of this boy's anger/hurt (his cuts, tears, etc). ...

It seems pretty average at the moment: rich guy not interested in his wife, loaded with money and loyalty to his company. Think about how you could make it different ...

Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * Prologue But all the kids, even those who had never seen, knew what the brown curtain hid. I was a ...

Green = Comment/Correction Black = Review * I rose bitterly and white flashed across my body as lightning streaked through the sky. I was young, but the briny air had ...

Sorry if I repeat anything the above critics may have said. * Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * So much for that. I got a feeling ...

Green = Comment/Correction Black = Review * "Why then you must hurry, don't be late for supper. Oh, and be careful of those trouble makers on the other side of ...

Hello there! I don't usually critique RF but I hope to be of some help. * Green = Comment/Correction Black = Review * Candy Ville is a normaltown A space ...

* Green = Comment/Correction Black = Review * To buy my time, I simply took another bite of my oatmeal and sipped my orange juice. My insides were burning. .... ...